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By Veronica_Milvus
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18 May 2008 |
I'm an inveterate people-watcher. Call me nosey. But I couldn't help hearing some of this conversation at the next table a few weeks ago, and guessed this was a couple who had only just met. I hope it worked out.
CAFFE NERO
Already on their second cappucino
judged by the quartet of froth-rimmed cups
in front of them. They're fortysomething.
She, a well-toned suicide brunette
talking of her yoga class, and training
for a 10k run. "At my age" she says
"it helps to keep me supple". Nervous laugh.
Underneath the table, her foot flicks
rhythmically against her slingback shoe.
He seems freshly scrubbed in well-pressed shirt,
his voice a lilt of Lancashire, or Lakes.
He coaches his son's football team, and swims
"just to get my work out of my head".
They've taken all the sensible advice
found on the website: "Choose a busy place
at lunchtime, this will minimise the risk."
She's told somebody who she's going to meet.
Biscotti lie, untouched upon the plate
between them, now they both take one.
Or are they reaching for each other's hand?
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Written by mia_ms_kim (891 comments posted) 18th May 2008 | A nosey piece, but how can you not overhear a conversation like this? I feel nervous on their behalf. And what is a suicide brunette? A brunette with a serious body? Whatever it was, it conjured up the picture of a lethal female. They were obviously both in good shape physically, yoga, running, football, swimming etc. I guess that's how they got talking over the net (if they met on the net that is), ie. via common interests.
I'm all for being proactive without being desperate or foolhardy, use internet dating service, matchmaking service whatever. Seeing many of my younger/older friends wanting to find love, and just waiting for it to happen - I could beat my chest in frustration.
I, too, hope it worked out between the couple in your poem! Loved this nosey piece, VM.
Mia  |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (455 comments posted) 18th May 2008 | | The original phrase I heard quoted was "suicide blonde" as in "dyed by her own hand". This one looked like she should be greying but wasn't, so I figured she coloured her hair brown, as I do myself! | Nosey writers
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3136 comments posted) 18th May 2008 | All writers are essentially nosey, poets possibly the worst as poems are so personal and intimate.
I like the way you have taken the scraps of conversation and built up a story round them.
The whole thing was oddly voyeuristic and very moving at the same time.
It wasn't over embellished and the style was simple which added to the intrigue.
We all people watch but can't all produce something as engaging as this as a result. I'm quite envious
cheers
jane | Brief encounter?
Written by patterjack (1060 comments posted) 18th May 2008 | Leading to what ?
Excellent commentary -- lucidly expressed -- with enough in that fourth stanza to be very intriguing -- particularly the last line there
patterjack |
Written by NathanRoberts (211 comments posted) 19th May 2008 | I really liked this, particularly the first three stanzas. I felt that in the fourth, the narrator's view became a bit too intrusive...it seems like subjective guesswork as opposed to the objective imagery of the first three stanzas.
I'm not sure about the final line, it seems a bit melodramatic ( a cliffhanger!). The preceding two lines could almost be left alone... |
Written by Brett (479 comments posted) 19th May 2008 | A very observant piece makes the reader curious towards its two sujects. I liked
'...her foot flicks
rhytmically against her slingback shoe.'
I'm glad you don't drink in my local.
Cheers | A well painted scene
Written by raindancer (5 comments posted) 10th June 2008 | With so few words you painted a very detailed picture... the shoe reference caught me as well. Something a woman would notice more than a man I think, but it adds so much depth,
Doug |
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