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By JohnnyD
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18 May 2008 |
Since December 2006, it has been a testing time for me and my immediate family. Mamman has been fighting cancer since then but she is sinking now and have lost the will to fight back. Her suffering is making life unbearable for all of us. I wonder how she must be co-oping with all the pain to give us her famous smile once-in-a-while.
I have been away from the site because nothing seems to be right at this moment and one tends to lose hope even in GOD! I only pray that GOD takes her at the earliest because I cannot see her suffering each single day in pain.
I wish she was the one to give me birth on this earth because she loves me so much and I am helpless even to soothe her pain and suffering. This poem is the thoughts that come and go every single day as I see her suffering day in and day out!
Mom is sinking
As our hopes turn into despair
Prayers unheard and answered
The faith in God slowly disappears
Hard times ahead
Knowing the inevitable
Hope against hope
We still pray for the miracle to happen
Will our prayers be answered?
Will a miracle save our mother?
I trust my Mamman will fight back
Because Mamman I love you!
JOHNNY D
3rd May 2008 |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3138 comments posted) 18th May 2008 | A bit too close for comfort for me,Johnny. I do know how you feel. I lost my mother recently who had been in a lot of pain. I do feel it is not just about life but the quality of life.
I would say, while you can; tell her all the things you want to and say your goodbyes. It is so important. Life is fragile and arbitrary and can end at any time.
I wish you well and hope you find some consolation.
cheers
jane |
Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 18th May 2008 | | Johnny - I have already spoken to you. Mamman is in my prayers and God hasn't deserted her as you know well. I'm sure that you have good friends on GW who will be sorry to know that you also are suffering. God be with you too. | MAMMAN PASSED AWAY
Written by JohnnyD (35 comments posted) 19th May 2008 | MAMMAN PASSED AWAY – 11.55 pm, 18th May 2008
Day before yesterday, I spoke to Annu, my loving sister to enquire about Mamman. She told me how Mamman was suffering every single day and it was better if GOD takes her away real soon, so that her suffering would come to an end. Having lost hope against our hopes for a miracle to save Mamman, I prayed to GOD to please take her away real soon because we all couldn’t see her suffering to live that extra painful moment.
Thank you GOD for listening to our prayers to take Mamman finally at about 11.55 pm on 18th May 2008. I was about to eat my dinner when the call from Mamman’s cell came. I knew Mamman has left us for good. Janardhan, my youngest brother-in-law informed me about the news that we used to dread even as a thought. This time, however, I thanked GOD for listening to our prayers. Soon Annu called to inform me the same. There is coldness in every single call that came in the night (in fact just two).
I couldn’t cry and tears refused to come out as numbness gripped me for a while. I looked at GOD’s picture to thank HIM to end my Mamman’s miseries. Yes, we all knew it was time that Mamman would leave a void in our lives to cross over from this world. There is a void in my life but deep down I can feel Mamman’s presence within as if saying “I am always with you my son!” It was in the evening today that the poem (I LOVE YOU MAMMAN) I wrote about her suffering was uploaded in the poetry site GREATWRITING!
I wonder, how much I would miss her calls (she lived in Hyderabad and I am in Bombay) every week. Who will be there for me now to share every single thing of my life? Who will guide me, pamper me, care for me and give love to me now? I will always miss you Mamman, I know I will, come what may! For 18 long years, ever since I have known you, not even one bit you made me feel as if I was not your own. And over the years, as our love blossomed, I always wished how wonderful it would have been if I had taken birth from your womb. However, I am glad you loved me like your own son.
The only guilt I shall always have in my life is that I really couldn’t be of any help to you during your ordeal. I shall always miss your infectious smile Mamman and your voice and that laughter, that won every single heart you touched with pure love and care. During your one and a half year ordeal, it was only the last time we talked over phone you said, “Now it has become unbearable to live like this. The pain is too harsh and unbearable now.” I prayed every single day since I came to know about your cancer for a miracle to happen. It was meant to be like this and so be it… May your soul rest in peace Mamman! I love you Mamman!
2.10 am, 19th May 2008
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Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 19th May 2008 | | I don't know what to say, but I am certain she is very proud of such a son. You have written about her many times and she must have been a wonderful person... |
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