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| Pathetic Bob on Growing Old | |
| By Emmuttmax | ||||||||||||||||
| 19 May 2008 | ||||||||||||||||
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A chapter from Bob's book.
Growing Old
By Pathetic Bob “How young can you die of old age?” --Steven Wright As far as we know, growing old began when the big bang banged. It seems ironic to me that before we were, we were forever, but as soon as we emerged into something, we began the dieing process. It may suck, but it is reality. Animals know this and accept it. Humans know this but waste an incredible amount of time and energy and mental well being agonizing over it. It is understandable that humans have grown to fear old age; today’s society places so much emphasis on youth. Most businesses, the entertainment industry, their children, and reality shows marginalize people over 50. Wouldn’t it be more real to have a show where men with swollen prostates had a pissing contest, or women going through menopausal hot flashes threw spears at men? In years past, tribal elders were held in high esteem, their counsel was sought, people paid attention to what they had to say. Now, women and men seek out plastic surgeons to alter their bodily landscape just so they can keep their jobs. The cost of growing old has skyrocketed. Growing old also means you will suffer a certain amount of infirmity; at 60, stuff just isn’t gonna work as well as it did when you were 20. If you put it in prospective though, you’re not so bad off; a million years ago, 20 was considered middle age, and if you lived past 40, you were eligible for the George Burns Longevity Award. Of course, man tried to kid himself by convincing him and others there were actually people who lived 400 years, as long as they ate kosher; they even wrote a book about it. Animals, of course, have a much shorter life span than humans, but they have a much better time while they are alive. Plants are the longevity champs among living things on earth; there are some trees that live well over 100 years. Have you ever asked yourself why trees are so good at growing old? Of course you haven’t; you’ve been too busy trying to get laid. Trees are malleable, trees are laid back; they go with the flow and bend when it blows. Trees are Taoist. Trees are great at passive resistance, and as a consequence, they grow strong. Trees don’t yell, they whisper. Trees are not assholes, and we can learn a lot from them. When it comes to ageing, I think the human female has gotten the worst deal imaginable. It seems to me that when a female gets a wrinkle, a bit of a sag, or an extra pound or two, she falls below some highly arbitrary standard—created by men—and is placed on the “used model” list. What bullshit. Women, like good cheese, get better with age, but they don’t smell as bad. As men age, they get better looking as their stock portfolio rises in value. Animals are not as discriminatory, we don’t think in terms of ugly or beautiful; we just want to get laid. Anyway, you’re gonna die; I can’t help you with that. But, as you work your way down the boa constrictor of life, forget your prejudices, and live your life to the fullest. Chapter 10 Synopsis: Old people are getting screwed, but not as much as they’d like to; Reality TV sucks; act like a tree; older women don’t smell like cheese; you are gonna die. (c) 2007
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