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Craziness Beyond! Part 2: Out in the open |
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By Livinginanattic
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19 May 2008 |
To recap: Natasha has ditched her previous boyfriend (by getting him arrested) in favour of hunky security guard Bradley. She is mad for him and has promised a night of 'hot steamy sex'. She has said she has plans for him.
Lots of adult content.
SCENE 1
Int. Day. Next morning in NATASHA's studio flat. NATASHA and BRADLEY are lying exhausted, side by side on the bed. We can see they've been having a night of passion, with items of clothing strewn about the room along with silk bondage ties, a broken pair of Love Cuffs, empty boxes of condoms and a riding crop.
NATASHA
Mmmmm. You were wonderful.
BRADLEY
Yeah, they all say that. (Checking his watch) Ah shit! Is that the time?
NATASHA
Was it good for you?
BRADLEY
Yeah...(doubles up) Ouch!
NATASHA
What's wrong?
BRADLEY
Me bollocks, arrggh! (Straightens out again) Aaaahhh. [Pause] I think I'd better go darlin'.
NATASHA
(Sarcastically)
Are you worn out, my stud?
BRADLEY
No... well, s'pose, after 6 times. I'm a bit stiff. Looks like I need to take a ride.
NATASHA
You'll come again?
BRADLEY
Not sure I can.
NATASHA
What, you're going back to Linda?
BRADLEY
No, that's over. You was OK.
NATASHA
Oh really? (Shifts on to her side.) So what's wrong?
BRADLEY
Nuffin's wrong, 'cept me knackers.
NATASHA
(Looking at him questioningly)
Sure?
BRADLEY
Yeah, sure.
NATASHA
Was I better than her?
BRADLEY
Course. I'd give ya 9 out of 10 for the 'ows yer father. Linda was an 8.
NATASHA
Oh.
BRADLEY
Well that's good, considering. (Yawns) You birds are never that adventurous.
NATASHA
(Astonished)
What?
BRADLEY
It's like with Linda, you know, we done it a couple of times in the kitchen and once we 'ad a shag on the dinner table but usually it were just the bedroom.
NATASHA
I see. (Looks around) Our options are a bit limited here.
BRADLEY
Yeah, but we never did it outside the 'ouse.
NATASHA's face lights up.
NATASHA
What, you mean al fresco? Why didn't you tell me?
NATASHA jumps on top of BRADLEY and gives him a huge kiss on the mouth.
NATASHA
(Assertively)
Get dressed, slave. I'll make the cucumber sandwiches - I've got a real appetite coming on. We are going to the park.
BRADLEY
Oh holy Jesus not now Natasha. You're a friggin' sadist.
Fade out as NATASHA starts dragging the reluctant BRADLEY out of bed.
SCENE 2
Ext day. A secluded spot in the local park. NATASHA is sitting on a pink rug, next to the remains of a picnic, with BRADLEY lying motionless next to her. NATASHA is holding a sandwich, and is trying to rouse him.
NATASHA
Wake up my love (grabs his arm and shakes) Please... WAKE UP! (Slaps his face a few times) Please wake up.
NATASHA drops the sandwich, listens to BRADLEY's chest and feels for his pulse.
NATASHA
(To herself)
No... must be somewhere... breathe you bastard, oh shit, oh my God! [Beat] Calm down Natasha, compose yourself. Better call an ambulance.
NATASHA gets her phone out of her bag and dials.
Fade out.
To be continued...
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Keep going
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3141 comments posted) 24th May 2008 | Not sure what’s happened to the comedy forum; reviewers seem to have deserted it. Well done for sticking with it, anyway.
The sexy chat and double-entrendres kept the first acting going, and had it’s moments, but the dialogue carried little or no plot so we don’t really know about either’s intentions or if there was any subtext to the encounter.
You did stop rather abruptly in the second act, leaving so many questions unanswered :- is he dead, did she deliberately wear him out, poison him?
I’m sure there is more to follow but it did seem to stop in mid-stream.
The dialogue exchanges are sharp and funny but we are a bit short on context
Keep at it
jane
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Written by coosh (822 comments posted) 24th May 2008 | | Nice sharp exchanges - maybe there needs to a more defined storyline - Natasha's overall motives - it's a good character idea - or some direction in which you want us to believe this is heading. Easy read, and believeable dialogue. Will certainly continue to follow it (and review when time allows). |
Written by Livinginanattic (454 comments posted) 25th May 2008 | Many thanks for your comments Jane and David.
You've more-or-less confirmed my own thoughts on this. Wasn't sure if I'd got the ending right but I'll add a note to clarify there's more to come.
I'll press on with the remaining episodes and have another look at this when I've completed the whole.
Cheers,
Ben |
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