Chapter 21

‘Explanation time,’ she’d snapped into the phone Friday evening.  ‘Let’s have this out once and for all.  We may be no more, but I think I’m owed the uncensored truth, as opposed to the version of it you fed me at the flat.  Would you come over, I’d like to go somewhere quiet and talk?  No trying anything on, though, obviously.’ 
He picked her up – ‘for the last time,’ she assured her parents – and parked at Enville Common, where they’d eaten their off-the-cuff picnic at Christmas.  The trees were in copious leaf this time, and the windows were open to circulate balmy air.

Warwick switched off the ignition and they unclipped their seat belts, but their demeanour didn’t slacken.  No touching, unlike the courting pairs and adulterous spouses who occupied their neighbouring cars – they just stared rigidly out of the windscreen as though at a drive-in cinema.

‘Why did you do it?’  Emily shook her head incredulously.  ‘I know you gave me all that guff about wanting someone non-materialistic – but all that business about your parents being dead!  To think I pitied you!  How sick was that?’

‘Well sometimes I wish they were.’

‘Dom...Warwick, that’s such a vile thing to say.’

‘Well you don’t know them.  Mom’s OK, for a Porsche-driving airhead with hair extensions, who’s spent her life leeching off Dad, shopping, having manicures or – if she’s feeling energetic – toning her non-existent flesh in the gym.  But you know yourself now that Ronnie Poole’s a brutal bastard.  Entirely selfish.  He isn’t like a proper dad.  Not the kind you’re used to – doing an honest day’s graft, doting on his family, providing shoulders to sob on, taking pride in your every little achievement.’  Emily lent on the wound-down window and rolled her eyes at his patronising, it’s-all-right-for-you bleating.  ‘I’m just one of the minions he controls.  Controlled, rather, until I signed up for my teaching degree, which I’m starting in October, by the way.  So there was a grain of truth in that story.’  He made a clumsy attempt at a laugh, which gave the unintended impression of trivialising his duplicity.

‘Ooh, I should be grateful then!’

‘I’m not going to Birmingham, though – Wolverhampton, in fact.  Different campus,’ he reassured hastily, seeing her alarm, ‘so we’re not likely to meet during our studies.  I’m at the Walsall one.  Be no point me driving all the way into Brum when the uni on my doorstep does the course I want.  I don’t even know if Birmingham runs the B.Ed course.  If I’d told you I was at Wolverhampton, I knew I’d be fending off questions from you about it, which I clearly couldn’t answer.’

‘You’ve quit the business, though?  That’s interesting.’

Warwick nodded.  ‘I worked towards this goal for two years.  Did A-levels in evening school, English and History at Wolverhampton College.  Been my life’s ambition to be a teacher.  Put all those big words to use.  Inspire young minds.’

Emily snorted at that.  ‘Inspire them to do what exactly – tell lies?’

‘Yes, I know it doesn’t look good.  It all spiralled out of control.’

‘I take it you never worked in IT then?’

‘Nope.  Just made up a vague sounding occupation.  I never expected things to blossom as they did between us.  You know what these holiday liaisons are usually like.  When you told me you were from Lower B, I was like – ’ he dropped his jaw exaggeratedly and pushed it up, to mime picking it off the floor – ‘I felt like kicking myself, it seemed just my luck that I should travel six-thousand miles and meet someone like you – ’

‘Charming!’

‘I meant someone from my neighbourhood.  What were the chances?’

‘I thought it was enough of a coincidence you living in Wolvo, without knowing there would be any Bratchley connection.  Incidentally, if I hadn’t turned out to be a local girl, would you have let me in on your real identity?’

‘My real name, certainly, but not the “my dad owns three supermarkets” bit.  I might not have had to volunteer that information, had we not met again.  But with you being from Bratchley, I thought you might – ’

‘Be a gold-digger, yes I’ve heard it.’

‘Or, alternatively, have heard of the family and actually be put off.  Daddy P has got quite a reputation.  It’s a pretty no-win situation being me.’

‘I assure you I’ve never heard of him.  I don’t read business journals, as it goes.’
‘Anyway, I intended we’d have our tea and scones and say bye bye.  I was going to stride out of the Raffles and that would be that.’

‘Then why bother with the subterfuge?’

‘I guess I did subconsciously want to see you again, so I covered my tracks.  Then you invited me to see your cousin’s band.  I couldn’t say no.  You’re so irresistible.  You’re just – ’

‘No more charm and bullshit, please.’

‘It’s not bullshit, Em.  Not that.  I had so much to lose by getting involved – yet I still pursued a relationship with you.  I vowed I’d give you up – but found I enjoyed your company too much.  It was so stimulating being able to communicate on a level with someone.  Vastly different to bloody Heidi halfwit.  I imagined things would fizzle out after a few weeks and you’d be none the wiser.  After parting from Heidi the last thing I desired was another serious relationship, but you were so refreshing after her, so intelligent and fun, and I really loved spending time with you.’

‘I’m baffled as to what you saw in her anyway.  Actually, duh!’  Emily cuffed herself on the forehead, remembering Heidi’s sensational physique.  ‘Well if it’s those assets you went for, you’re a fine one to talk about being shallow.’

‘She did have her sweet side.  It wore thin after a time, though.’

‘So you ditched her.  Poor Heidi.’

‘Relationships end, Em.  When I met you – well, until that point I hadn’t known girls like you existed.  The ironic thing was I felt I was being more myself with you.  Yes, I can understand why you pull that face – but Dominic Osbourne was truer to the “me” I wanted to portray.  At heart I am a teacher, not a frozen veg obsessive who struts around a supermarket looking important.  It was freeing to be something other than my father’s son.’

‘Do you make a habit out of this sort of thing?’

‘No, I’m not a habitual liar.  No chance I could disguise who I am within the world I’m from.  I really was intending to tell you my full story – each time we met, I promised myself that next time, I would do so.  But the closer we became, the more taken you seemed with the impecunious Dominic Osbourne, the more witless “Oh by the way, this is all fabrication” would have sounded.’

‘It doesn’t sound too bright right now.  It’s ironic, I thought I was the storyteller among us.’

‘I suppose you’ll be writing a novel about this one day.’

‘It’s too far fetched for fiction.  Look, can we go back to the beginning, Dom…Warwick?’  Emily spoke in a remarkably measured manner, like a detective unscrambling the final mystery.  ‘Now Singapore.  I’m guessing Tim with the two-bob bits, who you were rushing off to meet that day, was really Heidi?  You snuck out behind her back to see me those times.’

‘No.  Heidi was back at home.  Orchestrating our wedding, as I discovered, much to my horror.  They never used to invite her –  They didn’t –  That is –  You see, I was staying at the family villa, as you know.  But not my uncle’s – it’s actually Mom and Dad’s place.’

This did not surprise Emily, given her acquired knowledge of his parents’ opulence.  ‘So Tim with the poorly tummy doesn’t exist at all then?’

‘No.  I just said the first name that popped into my head.’

‘Do you have any friends?’

‘Not many,’ he admitted.  ‘Not outside work or the Pooles’ insufferable social circle.  I’m hoping I’ll make some when I start uni.  Anyway, the villa.  They bought it about fifteen years ago.  The family have free use of the place, but dear Dad insists we all spend a month there just before Christmas, to see the light of his life, Ben.’

‘Ben?’  The senior Mr Poole has an Oriental gay bit on the side?

‘My obnoxious little brother.’

Emily hooted at Warwick’s incapacity to be honest about even the most rudimentary details of his life.  ‘You’re not a lonely only child either then!’

‘I might as well be.  I hate him, Em.  Benedict – Bendy-dick, I call him – has been living in New Zealand with his wife these past three years.’

‘I seem to remember Heidi having a bit of a carp about her actually.  Ellie, or something?’

‘Erin.’

‘Never listened much at the time.  Didn’t imagine I’d ever be involved with the family.  Or rather, already was without knowing.’

‘Yes, fair bit of not so friendly rivalry between the girls.  The folks thought the sun rose between Erin’s tits, but never quite accepted Heidi as a would-be daughter-in-law.  Oh well, they’re both gone now.  See, Ben’s getting divorced.  His lovely wife has decided she bats for the other side.  She’s left him for another woman.’  Warwick spoke without compassion for his brother’s difficulties.  ‘I think he’s just pissed off she wouldn’t let him watch!’

Emily hurled a contemptuous look his way, again failing to be tickled by Warwick’s improper humour.  ‘Bet Ronnie’s a bit devastated then?’

‘Like his only remaining illusions have been shattered.  On the other hand, though, he’s getting his beloved baby boy back.  Got his new assistant director sorted.  It’s softened the blow of me quitting the business.  The pair of them are welcome to it.  Lance, the operations director, is pissed off, though.  The job had been as good as his, but now he’s been headhunted by Iceland.  Actually, while I’m on the subject of Lance – and in confession mode – ’

‘Don’t tell me,’ Emily groaned with revelation overload, ‘he’s your bisexual lover?  Your hidden half-cousin?’

‘Not so dramatic this time.  But you remember my friend Alistair’s flat?’

‘How could I forget!’

‘Lance is Alistair’s brother.  He was looking after the place while Alistair was on hols, but he agreed to work late over the weekend – doing a bit of arse-kissing to my old man, for all the good that’s done him – and lived right the other side of town, so I saw an opportunity and offered to do Lance a favour.  Borrowed the key, said I’d water Alistair’s plants.  Then I cancelled the Cotswold B and B I’d booked.’

‘And stunk out the poor bloke’s home with chilli con carne!  I can see why his brother’s in a hurry to leave your business.  Why didn’t you give me a false address, by the way, if you were so intent on concealing your identity?’

‘Guess I couldn’t invent one on the spot.  And you said you weren’t over familiar with Wolverhampton, so I took the risk of you not knowing that Logan Lane was not in the kind of neighbourhood a shit-poor student might live in.’

‘But back to my thread – Singapore…’

‘I’d been all set to chuck myself off Boat Quay.  Or shove Ben and Dad off it.  I’d slipped out to escape from them that day I first saw you.  You were my ray of sunshine.’

‘You were cheating on your fiancée.’

‘None of it was planned.  I never contrived to meet somebody on my holiday.  Though I thought Fate must be at play when you popped up at the Raffles two days on the trot.  I would have ended things with Heidi even if nothing had transpired between us.  That night, after our lunch together, I phoned her from the villa.  But she kindly informed me she’d booked an appointment with the bloody vicar.  I was welcome to join her – I mean, this was only my life being arranged in my absence!’

‘And it was at that meeting that you finally did dump Heidi.  The friendly reverend enlightened me,’ she answered Warwick’s nonplussed look.  ‘I encountered him that day.  You’d just dropped me off from our sandwich picnic here.  You must have come fresh from that showdown with Ellery when we met in the petrol station then?  You hadn’t really come to see me at all, had you?’

Warwick shook his head sheepishly.  ‘I wouldn’t have stopped there at all had I not been so low on petrol that I’d never have made it out the village.  My own stupid fault for letting myself get distracted, forgetting to fill up and running on fumes.  But yes, I did end up having this great rant in front of the vicar – embarrassing or what, but I just couldn’t take it anymore.  My concept of a marriage was evaporating into magazine-spread tack.  I was suffocated, Em.’ 

Emily resisted an obvious jibe about such a fate being not unexpected given the magnitude of Heidi’s breasts.  ‘She is a little full on, I suppose.  Why the hell did you propose, though, if she bored you so?’

Warwick ran through his rather woeful theories, about pre-family holiday desperation; loneliness; rivalry with Ben.

‘Poor, poor Heidi,’ Emily repeated, ‘I still can’t get over her evil fiancé being you all along.’

‘Talk about me a bit, did she?’

‘Like I say, I haven’t had a huge amount to do with her, but when I did see her “Wozzy” was a major topic of conversation.  Robyn even says she saw a photo of him – you! – which Heidi was ripping up at the time, and she thought you looked familiar.  Obviously from my Singapore snaps.  Come to think of it, the vicar even said some odd things at the fete.  About being surprised I was friendly with Heidi – well not that I was particularly.  And going on about her being plucky – after you so cruelly dumped her, presumably.’

‘That illustrates my point about village life being far too intimate.’

‘I just can’t get over the fact you came to me on the rebound from being about to get married.  To Heidi.  I suppose on some psychological plane your involvement with her was the reason I never took to her.’

‘I wasn’t on the rebound – anything I felt for Heidi had died, as I keep saying – and I won’t be getting married for years.  Not now.  You’re the only woman I’ve met so far who isn’t a grasping slag.’

‘Heidi has no need to be one of those either, though.  Her folks are loaded.’

Warwick gave her a ‘bless you, you’re so naïve’ look, replacing once and for all her gentle, scholarly Dominic with a pompous clot.

‘But we’re one of the wealthiest families in the region.  Heidi’s a climber, Ems.’
Emily persisted in her truth-seeking chronology.  ‘So, going back to Christmas – I guess I put you on the spot inviting you to share our turkey?’

‘I was highly reluctant to come – not only because I anticipated the inevitable awkward questions from your parents, but because I’d be stuffed up from my folks’ lunch.  I could hardly cop out of that, since Mom had a turkey the size of a bloody ostrich to feed three of us.  Didn’t you wonder why I barely forced down a morsel?’

‘Thought you were just nervous.  Anyway, how did you explain your absence from home that afternoon?’

‘I told them I was going home.  As in back to my apartment.’

‘By yourself?  On Christmas Day?  And they believed you?  They believe you’re that much of a saddo?’

‘Oh yes.  They’re quite aware that I despise Christmas and pay only lip service to the concept of spending it with my dear family.’

Emily was floored by his brutal tone.  ‘Your way of life is so different to mine.’ 

Warwick shrugged.  ‘Sorry again about the crappy Christmas gift.  I bought the chocs with the sandwiches and crisps from the petrol station that day we bumped into each other.  Not the most imaginative offering, I know, but I hadn’t planned on seeing you that side of Christmas.  And it helped add to the “impoverished” image.’

‘That’s OK, I’m not mercenary.  A subject I think we’ve done to death.  Then we went for that walk – obviously wandering too close for comfort into yours and Heidi’s neighbourhood.  So we get to the new year.  I’m knowing now why you never wanted to socialise with any of my friends, and made all those excuses about being ill or what have you.’

‘When you said Robyn was pally with Heidi – well what were the chances!  Upper and Lower Bs never mingled, in my experience.  I suppose Heidi’s connection with Robyn brought her to Rowan.  She likes her sex, does our Heid.  I know that Rowan was just a bit of rough distraction to keep her oiled while she hunted for her next well-heeled would-be husband.’

‘No, actually that was just – ’ Emily tailed off.  If Warwick wanted to believe Heidi’s mock liaison with Rowan Moss was more than an ill-fated device to win him back, she couldn’t be bothered enlightening him.  ‘Bet she gave you a good shag then.  Little sexpot like that.’

‘Emily, the sex you and I had was in another league.  Beautiful, tender, meaningful.  We connected on every level.  With Heid it was only – ’

‘Spare me the comparisons, please.  She loved you, though.’

Warwick sneered – and took the opportunity to redeploy his favourite witticism.  ‘She’s shallower than an amoeba’s swimming pool.’

‘I don’t know about that, but she shed a swimming pool of tears over you – not that you’re worth it.  And, incidentally, I resent you calling Rowan “rough.”  He’s my best mate’s brother, I’ve known him all my life.’  Emily exhaled balloon-like, as if slowly expelling the surprisingly acute indignation inflating her.  ‘Moving on…then you booked that Cotswold weekend to avoid going clubbing with Heidi – what a length to go to!’

‘That was just after my encounter with her at Dad’s bloody birthday party.’

‘Oh, the famous golf club do!’

‘With Rowan.  All over him, behaving like the puerile tart she was.  She only reinforced my conviction that I was absolutely right to break off with her.’

‘Next you buggered off to your parents’ villa again.  There was me, all anxious you might be spending a lonely birthday, when in fact you were living it up under the Eastern sun.’

‘Hardly.  You were right with your first assumption.  Dad booked a fortnight for my thirtieth.  Months ago, before I met you.  With the bloody family again.  I missed you like hell.’

‘I assumed you’d dumped me.’

‘I was going to tell you the truth that afternoon at your house – ’

‘Then my mother interrupted us.’

‘And though I was pissed off to begin with, her turfing me out became a blessing in disguise.  I had to have a feasible reason to disappear for a fortnight, so I engineered it to appear as though I was having doubts and needed to escape.’

‘All that “I need to think” bollocks was premeditated then.’

‘When we met again after I’d been to Singapore, I again intended coming completely clean, but chickened it and told you only part of the truth.  The part about having money.  Since we were parting company, I figured I had nothing to lose from that, but similarly nothing to gain from telling you the whole embarrassing story.  I could remain “Dominic” and we could remain friends.’

‘I presume then that second apartment really was yours – or did it belong to another holidaying friend?’

‘No, that one was – is – mine.  The reason I phoned last night to ask if you were working at Alveley Manor tomorrow is I’m going to this bloody wedding there – so is Heidi, unfortunately – and had this horror about you serving me my soup.’

‘You might well have ended up wearing it.  Actually, Robyn’s going to that wedding.  She’s doing the flowers.  So you’ll finally get to meet!  What a lot of ironies there are about all of this!’

‘Yes, there was me thinking I’d had a lucky escape by you not being on tomorrow.  Then you said you were working for Howard Teece and Thomas…’

‘I thought you didn’t seem over flabbergasted to see me in court.’

Emily sagged in the seat with her eyes shut, letting the early evening sun lull her, taking respite from the hail of disclosure.  Her work here was all but done.  ‘Just one more thing.  That Dominic Osbourne in the paper – Doctor Dominic Osbourne – any connection, or just coincidence?’

‘I went to school with him.  Idolised him.  He was a cool geek, if you can believe such people exist.  I was the sort of swot who got routinely beaten up by the bullies.  Surprising I’d want to work in a school, perhaps, but I thought teaching would give me prestige; put me at the front of the class, where I could merit respect.  Anyway, while I was being lamped on the playing field, Dom – ’ it sounded peculiar hearing him refer to another man by that name – ‘could get away with scoring A* grades, obsessing over his telescope and being abysmal at PE.  His face must have just fitted, being a bit quirky with it.’

Emily did experience a twink of sympathy.  These dormant memories clearly pained him and it was one sob story which did hold water.  ‘School bullying has a lot to answer for.’

‘Dad used to call him a milksoppy swot, as you night imagine.  He’s a top prof in America now – as you know, of course, from that piece.  His ambitions to teach were nurtured, see.  I haven’t seen him since we were eighteen – though Dad has a kind of two-faced acquaintance with Dom’s dad within the Rotary Club.  I’ve read his book, as it happens.’

‘Crib any details about his life?’

‘No, only about stars and comets and shit.  When you asked my name in Singapore, his leapt into my head when I needed it.  I was seizing my chance to be him, I suppose.’

Emily exhaled a heavy sigh.  ‘I think I know all I need to now.  Best take me home, Warwick.’  She sounded like a driving examiner.

‘Don’t think I’ll get used to you calling me that.’  He started the car, reversed the Lexus slickly out of their spot in between two cars of oblivious lovers and steered out of the pebbly car park.  ‘You don’t belong in the “Warwick” world.  I’ve grown to like plain old “Dom” much better.’ 

Emily looked with pity at him.  ‘You really are off with the fairies, aren’t you.’  She flung up her hands in frustration at the sense of waste.  ‘We could have made something of this if you’d been honest from the outset, you know.  I thought you were sweet.  I just can’t bear frauds.’

‘Goodbye then – again.’  Warwick smiled contritely as he braked outside the house.
Emily didn’t intend kissing him goodbye, but as her hand was on the door handle she swept her lips across his cheek.  ‘All the best for your uni course.  And I hope you do meet someone.’

‘You too, Emily.  Take care.’

Perhaps I already have.  She delved into her bag for her juddering mobile and grinned at the text, even through her blear of tears as Warwick coasted away.
GOT YR CAGOULE READY?  WILL PICK U UP @ 8AM LUV RO

Thankfully there are still some sincere, uncomplicated men in the world.