A kind of sequel to "Asking for a Ride". Not the most imaginative title but I felt I needed to make the subject matter obvious in order for this to make sense.
Sorry if I've been a bit lax with my reviewing lately, exam season has pretty much taken over my life...
I drew you as an animal;
it was a lie. You never lost your mind,
not completely, simply forgot it on occasion
down the side of the bed,
on the kitchen table.
Soap in the mouths of little girls,
and all our furniture sold.
I strip photographs, hunting for claws.
A beating in the clasp of your hand, a shout
at the crease of your smile.
Your skin is smooth. I hate you for it.
The halo of curls, blue eyes.
Let there be a hint of coarse hair,
a curse coiled on your tongue,
ready to pounce. Laughter is no use to me:
give me a bottle in your hand,
or at least, a balled fist.
I’ll swallow such cliché more readily
than that handsome man in his wedding suit,
piggy backs, the photo of you
fixing an angel on the Christmas tree.
Drop it, now. How dare you.
Pick up something
more appropriate: a bruise, a coat,
a haunch of someone’s heart.
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You and...
Written by patterjack (1068 comments posted) 19th May 2008 | ... Sylvia Plath
A piece of direct hate simply and powerfully expressed . There is a strong element of meiosis in your imagery. I refer to the literary not the physiological meaning .
I really like this piece of work
patterjack |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (459 comments posted) 20th May 2008 | I read this yesterday but had to leave it for a while and re-read it before reviewing. I am not sure I am actually able to review it, it speaks eloquently for itself and needs no explanation.
A really powerful piece, thanks for posting. | Strong as Hell!
Written by Katanga (731 comments posted) 20th May 2008 | This is one I shall read and read again.
More, please!
' . . . a haunch of someone's heart' - Gosh!
John |
Written by shirley_keeldar (67 comments posted) 21st May 2008 | I love your work, was missing reading it!
Comparison to Sylvia Plath was inevitable due to the title and subject but I dont like Plath though I like this.
I found this piece as sad as it is angry, in particular the image of him forgetting his mind not losing it, and hunting for claws in photographs, horrific!
Good luck with exams! 
Lx | extraordinary
Written by fellpony (1507 comments posted) 21st May 2008 | how simple words can paint a moving, even frightening, picture of family undercurrents.
Excellent. |
Written by mia_ms_kim (891 comments posted) 21st May 2008 | With the above reviewers. The undercurrent of fury is frightening. Powerful.
Mia |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 22nd May 2008 | Thanks very much everyone, I wasn't a big fan of this work before but I'll have to reconsider it.
Thanks for the luck Shirley (and the compliment) 
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Written by NathanRoberts (216 comments posted) 26th May 2008 | Bit of a late review..I printed this one off, took it away to read and contemplate. I'm still not sure what to say. It must be autobiographical, so much detail and lingering pain.
'I’ll swallow such cliché more readily
than that handsome man in his wedding suit,
piggy backs, the photo of you
fixing an angel on the Christmas tree.'
captures the pretence of family, the hidden pain and resentment, also the cliches of photo albums...the way we record our lives in these little dioramas.
'You never lost your mind,
not completely, simply forgot it on occasion
down the side of the bed'
is haunting because it's left unsaid, implied...I'm fearing the worst.
Great opening line too. It's a cliche when people say 'humans are worse than animals', but you've replayed the truth of that saying in a fresh, powerful way.
'Pick up something
more appropriate: a bruise, a coat,
a haunch of someone’s heart.'
Brilliant.
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