I wrote this about Rebecca Elson, a poet whose work I recently discovered and loved pretty much immediately. Despite that fact I'm hoping this doesn't come across as flagrant flattery.
For a bit of background info, she was an American astronomer who died of cancer at 39, I think. In a review I read of her work the reviewer commented that she wrote about stars in very precise ways, unlike most poets who use stars in much more generic ways (something which I've done more than once).
My stars are crude four-points
plucked from a Disney sky.
I do not ration them as I should,
but glue them to the eyes
of a boy who once called me beautiful,
or to the ceiling as I drift
from picket fences to the Nobel prize.
I thumb them from my navel
as I step into the shower;
the cleaners will find them glinting
beneath tissues, ribboned by a hair.
You took more care
when dipping into the cosmos.
Holding the white heat
gently as an egg between soft fingers.
And though you dissected each one,
traced its heart and place
in the sky’s family tree,
you never let one lose its soul,
never forgot to press it back into place
with a thumb small with awe.
We know you ate a few
when hunger pulled dark over your eyes.
No-one could blame you
for wondering what the heavens would feel like,
your bones, universalised.
And we see how they flamed from your stomach,
your navel a stellar light
for ships to chart their course by.
|
Very sympathetically put
Written by patterjack (1055 comments posted) 19th May 2008 | Nice piece of implicit characterisation in a simple poem -- perhaps a little overdone in the last three lines, which reduces the impact unfortunately. Strong image in that last stanza -- but the extension makes it , for me , slightly bathetic.
I enjoyed it very much-- and the whole tone of it makes an interesting contrast with Daddy
patterjack |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (455 comments posted) 20th May 2008 | Some beautiful images in here. I recognise the reference to the star in your navel from a previous poem. And these are wonderful lines:
never forgot to press it back into place
with a thumb small with awe.
How wonderful to find scientists who are also poets, like, Danny Abse. And me, in my tiny way. There ought to be lots to write about in science. You've got me thinking.
|
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3133 comments posted) 20th May 2008 | I think your admiration for her is very elegantly expressed Although I don't know her I was carried along by your obvious esteem. It's always a satisfying read when passion is matched by a lyrical coherence. I couldn't follow you through that last verse,though. I stumbled there, a bit too rich for my prosaic blood.
Lovely idea, though
jane |
Written by NathanRoberts (211 comments posted) 22nd May 2008 | Woooh, hark at her...you have 'cleaners'? 
Thanks for the introduction to an interesting poet, I've read a couple of her poems now, and liked them enough to look further.
As always this is full of wonderful imagery
'Holding the white heat
gently as an egg between soft fingers.'
stands out, as does:
'traced its heart and place
in the sky’s family tree,'
I'm less sure about some of the sentiment involved, particularly the last stanza...
'We know you ate a few
when hunger pulled dark over your eyes.'
seems a little too intimate, for someone you've only recently discovered (but then, you're almost undoubtedly more sensitive than I am!).
I'm assuming the 'we' refers to readers of Rebecca's poetry and perhaps a specific poem relating to her terminal illness, but it seems a bit like...oh 'we know how you felt', to which you'd imagine close relatives replying 'no you don't'
It's a simliar kind of feeling when a priest or vicar reads a personal eulogy at a funeral even though they hadn't met the deceased.
I think it's that first line which casts a bit of a shadow over the rest of the stanza, because without it, those final lines seem less sentimental.
|
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 22nd May 2008 | Thanks everyone, very helpful comments. I was unsure about that last stanza before and now I know it definitely needs a re-write. The navel/ship thing is a bit, well, yukky, and Nathan you've made a really good point there. Fair enough writing intimately about someone I know, but someone I don't...that's not so simple. Difficult to know what to replace it with, though.
And in case people are having misconceptions about my financial status, I only have cleaners because I live in uni accommodation! |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
