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Poetry
Monument
By awakenedmind
21 May 2008
My mind was in overdrive this morning as I passed a cemetery.
Sorry if it is on the 'black' side of life, but it is a topic of consideration

awakenedmind
aka
Michael

‘What has happened to this hallowed ground’ as I wander all around.

Monuments of stone just lying there with grass and weed now surround

Memories of those long gone are now just lying there, lingering on

A decision soon someone must take as when to move or remake

A monument to grief how long should be, as no one now comes on to see

A heartless task we all agree but a cemetery is there for all to see

They keep on coming, but never go, we need more room right now you know

People all consider it right as they consider their earthly plight

A memorial of them living here to give those left some small bereft

But they soon go and move along and forget those who carry on

Repair and maintenance is needed as the monuments go left unheeded

So I ask again with a tear in eye what to do I know not I.

Reviews

Written by Mr_E_Writer (187 comments posted) 21st May 2008
Most of your rhymes seem forced. 
 
'What has happened to this hallowed ground' (no question mark?) as I wander all around.  
Monuments of stone just lying there with grass and weed now surround (now surround what?) 
 
The first line (I assume) is an unspoken question.  
 
'What has become of this hallowed ground?' I ponder as I as I wander around 
 
 

Written by Mr_E_Writer (187 comments posted) 21st May 2008
Sorry, I've just suffered critique interruptous. 
 
'What has become of this hallowed ground?' I ponder and wander around  
Sad monuments of stone lie at my feet where grass and weed abound. 
 
...would be one way of achieving the same style of opening without seemingly forcing things (IMO). 
 
Regards, 
Eric.
Thanks Eric
Written by awakenedmind (48 comments posted) 21st May 2008
What can I say but that would have been a brilliant opening line 
Hope you don't mind if I 'pinch it' for my master copy! 
 
awakenedmind 
aka 
Michael

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