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Poetry
Review of Work
By awakenedmind
22 May 2008
This rhyme is not meant as a 'pop' at anyone, it is just thoughts that came to my head whilst reading comments both to me and others.
It is a section that can be uncomfortable to say the least, what may be one person polished work may be thought by another as taking a form of simplicity from it.
Or is it my lack of skills that I try and hide behind?

Some comments I have had have been brilliant (to say the least)

So I think there must be room for words from the heart for that is where emotion comes from (for me)

I would love to hear other views

awakenedmind
aka
Michael

To review more work I must not shirk

Some are good some are - well just don’t work

I know what I like as some can see but not all will agree

To comment on a piece that doesn’t work would make me - well like a jerk

Comments then are just my view and not necessarily all that true

I work hard to improve my grammar but simplistic verse is my manner

I try to see just what you mean but sometimes-just goes over me.

A ‘polished work’ is something to try, but I have to see the reason why

Simplistic ways to tell a tale will sometimes help to raise the veil

A hidden world of words and grammar, now that’s a world that I now clammer

Reviews
Some Help on the Way
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 22nd May 2008
I could only recommend: (1) Put your work through a spellcheck. (2) Use an online dictionary, such as "Dictionary.com" 2) Try using new words. Use Thesaurus.com - if you use a word you know, write it on here and see what alternative words you could have used. There are many online grammar websites which will help you with that. As for many of us, we have found that Stephen Fry's Book "The Ode Less Travelled" has helped us improve our metre 100 per cent. You can get it from the library or buy it easily.  
 
Last but certainly not least: Read lots and lots and lots of good poetry, noting the rhymes and noting the metre etc. The more you read, the better you will write. Try one good poem at least a day. 
 
I really hope this helps you for it has all helped me a lot.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 22nd May 2008
Can't argue with the content but found the way you expressed yourself varied between the lyrical and the clumsy. 
There were some really good lines that worked really well. I would single out 3-5-9, especially the last one about 'raising the veil' 
 
Other lines were contrived to fit the rhyme and they seemed to lose their power because instead of taking in the meaning you just notice how they feel 'clunky' 
And lines 4 -10 don't make much sense. You clammer for something. 
just my reaction 
jane

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