Mark was a childrens television presenter . He had been in the game for about ten years , off and on . Now in his late thirties , his era in fronting kids shows was drawing to a close . He specialized in live shows and was always deemed " a safe pair of hands " by all involved in the industry .
   By now he had had enough . It was time to move over and give way to the cute twenty-somethings , like his co-presenter Sophie . His good looks and cheeky grin had served him well over the years in childrens television and was admired by youngsters and adults alike . He felt also it was time to explore pastures new . Despite which there was a creeping realization surfacing in his head that even after all these years he was really starting to go off kids .
   Mark was on set , being briefed by the production manager . It was a Tuesday , which meant part of todays live broadcast would involve a wildlife slot . Mark was never keen on this part of the program . Cute kittens and fluffy bunnies ... Fine ... but it was the uglier creatures that made him really nervous . Many a time he had gone home with Iguana piss or mouse shit in his hair . Todays beast , Mark was informed , happened to be a Rough-legged Buzzard !
 " What ever that was !" he thought .
 He was also informed that ,Julia , the handler from the zoo happened to be running late and was only going to make it on time for the live streaming , forfeiting the intended rehearsals . Mark , always the pro , meant the last minute rescheduling of the show did not phase him . So with only seconds to air , Sophie wound up her piece and the camera swang round to Mark . With his trademark grin and his trusted " Thanks Sophie " , he turned to camera and introduced the dreaded 'Wildlife Club' ... Just like he had done a hundred times before .
  Then entered four ten year olds , as part of the 'Wildlife Club' members , who had come on to question the guest and get up close to the animals . Mark with a deft half turn and outstetched arm , beckoned on set Julia and Cyril , the expected bird of prey ....
" Jesus fucking christ , look at the size of that bastard " was Marks silent sentiment . He gulped hard keeping up his trusted smile and made the required light hearted introductions .Julia , in her green zoo uniform , was holding Cyril the adult Rough-legged Buzzard on her right hand , with the appropiate leather protective gauntlet . Cyril was 66cm of 'full on' bird of prey , hand reared at the zoo lovingly by Julia from an egg .
  Mark took a sly step backwards , positioning the kids between him and Cyril . The kids were genuinely interested and fired off all the usual questions ... " What do they eat ? " , " Where do they live ? " , " How many chicks do they have ? " ... yadda yadda yadda ....
   Mark was very keen to wrap up the feature and move swiftly on , when Julia piped up , addressing the kids , 
   " Do you think we should let Mark have a hold of Cyril ?"
   " YEAH !!" they all shouted in unison .
   " You bitch " Mark thought to himself .
 Then with her free left hand Julia produced another gauntlet from behind her back . Ever the pro Mark smiled and put the glove on his right hand as he felt his heart rate increase and beads of sweat were begining to form on his brow .
  Julia offered Cyril up to Mark's glove and with a ,
  " Come on Cyril , jump up !! " , 
   Cyril abliged , and with a giant hop and a flap , was on Mark's hand.
   " Fuckin' hell , the weight of the thing " he silently gasped .
   66cm of flying killing machine , and an ugly bastard to boot . Mark was keener than ever to finish when one of the kids suddenly had a brainwave and questioned about the seasonal variations of Cyrils plumage ! Julia revelled in the more interlectual line of questions , and started a very long winded lecture .
  Mark now sweating even more and his heart pumping cursed the child and his parents for ever having met . He did not have the courage to make full eye contact with the creature , but noticed out of the corner of his eye that Cyril was 'staring him out ' and had a fixed glare on Marks head . Mark could sense those merciless carnivorous eyes boring into his very soul and he offered Cyril up , in a gesture , hoping to get Julia's attention . But Julia was still 'talking feathers' to geek boy ,...... and then it happened ....
    
    Animal instinct or the smell of fear , who knows , but Cyril was about to make TV history .
    With a couple powerful flaps of his his almighty 150cm wing span and quite a nifty hop , Cyril left Mark's gloved hand and landed directly on his bare forearm . The razor like talons instantly grabbing and piercing Marks flesh ....
  " Wwwooooooohh !! " 
   Mark now hopping madly from foot to foot , thrusted Cyril into Julia's direction ....
  " take him ... TAKE HIM " 
   Mark was in agony , he could feel the tendons in Cyrils talons tighten with every second . 
   The smile by now was long gone , and the children had started to retreat . Marks exasperations were getting louder .....
  " FFFFFFFFFF .... AAAAArrrrrrhhhhhh .."
    Blood was now spurting from his arm and on to the studio floor . The entire studio crew was frozen and traumatized , but with Sophie nowhere to seen , there was nothing for the camera's to turn to. Julia was blindly trying to coax Cyril away and to release his deathly grip with rather feeble platitudes ,
   " Come on Cyril , come on , there's a good boy .." 
   " AAAAAARRRRRHHHHH !! .... GET THIS FUCKER OFF OF ME .... AAARRRHHH ... B-A-S-T-A-R-D !!! ....." Mark screamed !
   By now the blood was gushing from Mark's perforated limb . 
   With the smell of fresh blood in his nostrils , Cyril's killer instincts were reborn . He bowed his head and opened his beak and tore into Mark's arm ,
  " AAAAARRRHHH .... NOOOoooo "
   Mark , with a blinding flash of desperation and with superhuman strength , to Cyril's surprise , grabbed the bird by it's all-powerfull thighs and managed to hoist him overhead . Cyril flapped wildly . In the meantime Julia was frantically trying to take control but seemed more concerned for Cyril than Mark .
   Cyril wasn't keen on being held aloft by the leg's , and down came the beak again in an attempt to tear off Mark's fingers ..
   " OOOOOuuuuuccCCHH .. YOU BASTARD ..!!"
   Mark could see no other options , this bird had just cost him his career and about a pint and a half of blood , enough was enough .
  With a " FUCK YOU !!! " he brought Cyril down with all the strength he could muster . Cyril's head was the first thing to hit the floor , with a thud and a dull CRACK . There was some flapping , a few twitches and then stillness . Julia collapsed to her knees sobbing uncontrollably .
   Mark stood triumphantly , amidst the bloodbath , wiping his brow only to transfer the gore to his already blooded face .
   " YOU'VE KILLED HIM ....YOU'VE KILLED HIM .." Julia shrieked 
   He looked down on the lifeless bird and spluttered .." Good ! " 
   Then looking back at the camera with blood and tears streaming down his face , regaining his composure he said , 
   " And now over " he caught his breath , " And now over to Sophie , who's got some great news on our button appeal ."


   Mark no longer works in the television industry .