I've just woken up to find myself sitting on a wooden bench - I have no idea where I am.  It seems to be some sort of shopping mall, but it’s empty.  How the hell did I get here?  I have no clue as to what shopping mall I am in - definitely not one I’ve been in before and it has a very strange vibe about it.

    I can’t explain it, maybe it‘s because it‘s empty, it sort of feels like the time when I was ten and along with some friends we broke into our school.  Let me assure you it was the first and last time I ever broke into a school, it was just not normal - strange and very, very creepy.

     There are definitely shops here but they all seem to be aimed at women - not sure why, but again it just adds to the whole odd vibe going on.  All the normal stores and food courts etc. are here, but as I said it’s all woman orientated.

    The computer shops have pink monitors and cushions displayed in the window.  There are shoe shops as far as the eye can see but I guess that's pretty normal.  There are also some sports shops with pictures of toned and muscular women in the window, but these don’t look quite right and again I can’t work out what’s wrong with them.  

    It’s nothing obvious it’s something subtle that I can’t quite get my mind around.  They look pretty normal – it’s just a woman in a Lycra training outfit that’s molded to her, quite frankly, very fit body.  Her breasts are sticking out, she has a flat stomach and a firm ass.  I just can’t see what’s wrong with this picture.  

    I start to look elsewhere when all of a sudden I see what’s wrong, she has a package like a man.  Well it’s not totally like a man’s but she’s definitely sticking out more than what is considered normal.  This is not confined to just one model - it’s the same with the rest of them.

    All of a sudden I hear footsteps but not just a set of them but hundreds, like there’s a stampede going on just out of my range of vision.  Then I see her, she’s standing only 5 metres away from me and I’m sure she just appeared cause she wasn’t there a minute ago.  

    She’s dressed exactly like the woman in the window of the sport’s shop, the tight fitting Lycra outfit with a similar ‘package’ at the front.  It’s like she’s got a massive vagina and she doesn‘t care who knows it.  She’s almost threatening.  

     She's just standing there staring at me, I feel like saying something but I get the strange feeling she finds my presents here offensive like I’m some sort of evil deity who’s here to bring death and destruction to her society.
 
    I don’t know how I can get all this from just looking at her but I know one thing for sure, I haven’t got a chance of getting laid.  Although she’s very attractive she’s also emanating a weird menacing aura.  What’s even stranger is I don’t really know what an aura is but I know I’m starting to get a little scared.

    Oh my god I don’t fuckin believe it.  She’s started to peel her top off and she isn't wearing anything underneath, oh man she has fantastic breasts.  Maybe I’ve read the situation wrong, maybe she does want me after all.  

    Holy shit I’ve just noticed about a thousand women on the level above me all getting their tops off.  This is like some sort of amazing dream.  A thousand women all wanting to have sex with me, I don’t remember dying but I must of, cause this is surely heaven.  

    Oh my frikin god their taking everything off.  They are all totally naked now and I can’t hide my arousal any longer.  Jesus, look at their vagina’s there fuckin massive.  I think this is definitely my lucky day.

    Wait I’ve just noticed something, their lips seem to be quivering or vibrating or something but there definitely moving.  You can actually hear them now, hundred’s of vagina lips vibrating with excitement.  Maybe they haven’t been seen to in a while and are even more excited than I am, maybe I’m now there God and I get to have anyone I choose or even better I can have all of them – boy I'm going to be sore tomorrow!  

    The noise is getting louder and louder, it feels like the whole place is vibrating. This is actually slightly worrying now, why don’t they say something or make a gesture or some other form of communication. They're just standing there with their quivering lips.

    Oh wait the original women is moving.  She’s squatting and stretching, I’m not sure why but, oh hang on she has positioned herself on the ground with her legs spread.  That’s all the communication I need.  For the first time since these women appeared I move, my first step is a bit shaky but I can’t resist any longer, that women is going to get a good 2 minutes of my love.  

    What the fuck?  Her Vagina seems to be moving, literally like it has a life of it’s own.  Oh man that is disgusting her lips appear to be stretching towards me.  Like they can’t wait any longer.  This is not that much of a turn on anymore, her pussy seems to have a life of it’s own.  Oh fuckin hell it’s just ripped itself clean off the woman – it does have a life of it’s own and it’s launched it's self straight towards me.

    All I can do is fling my arms up to protect my face, unfortunately it's veered off  course at the last second and has smack me square in the bollocks.  I collapse in a heap, stomach churning and balls burning.  The next thing I know there are a thousand flying vagina's circling me.  I don't know if they're going to attack me or try to violate me?  

    I somehow find the strength to get up and start running, although I have a feeling that it's futile as these things can fly faster than I can run.  I take cover in what looks like an abandoned shop.  I don't dare reach for the light’s, which in retrospect would of made no difference, as they have no eyes to see – I assume.  I hide behind a counter and collapse to the floor and wonder what the fuck to do next.

    The first thing that springs to mind is I don't know a thing about my ‘enemy’.  These flying vagina's are new to me.  Maybe women have always had this ability but kept it quiet – who the fuck knows – women have always been a mystery to me.

    Okay what do I know about normal non-airborne vagina's?  That’s when I realise I know nothing about them, I’ve only ever shagged them, I’ve never really looked at one or examined it in any great detail.  Jesus I wish I had chosen Gynaecology as a profession instead of being a plumber – I’m sure the principal is the same!

    I can hear a swishing sound like a hundred birds flying past the window but I know they aren’t birds.  I must do something quick, I have no idea what they want with me but I know it won’t be good.  I make a dash for it.  I don’t know where I’m running to but I know I must get out of here.  Oh shit there right behind me, now they’re right in front of me, they're everywhere.  I stop running as I have nowhere to go.

    I’m just waiting for them to attack but their not, they’re just swarming.  Oh Christ just put me out of my misery.  Wait, I think I see an exit it’s only about a hundred yards away.  If I can get there I may just get out of here alive.  I take off quicker than I have ever ran before.

    I don't get more than a few metres when a massive vagina just swoops down from above and opens up like a  black hole.  This one must be the queen as it’s easily 5 times bigger than the others and I don’t have time to stop.  We’re going to collide whether I want to or not.

    Well I’ve been here now for what I would think to be nearly a year.  And in all honesty it isn’t so bad.  It’s comfortable, warm and very enjoyable.  Just like a proper vagina should be.  I often wonder what I would do if I could escape but I never ponder that thought much, cause let’s face it, I’m in the warm, fuzzy centre of the universe – why would I want to leave.