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Poetry
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Eyelash
By rwilson
24 May 2008

First post - hoping to convey the destructive nature of fatigue and the things that are on your mind on sleepless nights becoming overwhelming. Enjoy!


Black against your wet porcelain skin,
Sallow, growing paler, navy tinting
Beneath your eyes,
Stained by watching the early hours
Of the morning pass
Unhindered by.

One a.m.
And I bet I'll feel better in the morning
This time I'm thinking
You might have won.

You have taken your fair share
Of nights sleep from me.
Everything has lost its edge,
And I don't see
Quite like I used to.

When every flower has lost its colour,
And my language loses taste.
Well this time I'm thinking that
You might have won.

Black against your wet porcelain skin,
These eyelashes are not a means of making wishes
But purging sins.

Reviews
Porcelain skin
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 24th May 2008
First: the title made this impossible for me to ignore. I prefer single word titles, because I am a simpleton. 
 
The entire poem has a unique and creative rhythm and rhyme to it. I think overall it hits the mark of your description, those lost hours of sleeplessness -- how the defined elements of life turn into blurred scenery. I wrote one long ago called Squinting, got some good comments, hope you'll seek it out and give me some input. 
 
Back to this: 
 
The one part that doesn’t seem to fit (to me) is the word Porcelain. It seems too brittle and unnatural. What I get from the rest of the poem are very human conditions, and human reactions to conditions. The word Porcelain is too doll-like and seems to conjure a “freeze-frame” element in both places it is used. I think if you can find a word (other than skin) that is more malleable it will make the rest of the poem that much more human and approachable. 
 
Other than that I really like this; I also loose sleep and your description of the acrimony of lost hours is very well crafted. Well done. 
 
BW  
:)
Written by kellyjelly (5 comments posted) 24th May 2008
Hey, 
I really loved the way this poem seemed to flow, especially the second stanza...'one a.m.', it feels like it has such a beat to it! The rhythm is incredible. 
So, yeah, i really liked it - and i think my favourite line is 'And my language loses taste' - it kind of made my evening. 
Congrats rach x

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