This started as two separate 'love' poems, 'The Hand' and 'The Foot'.
Combining them seemed appropriate.
Somehow it gives me the giggles.
Hope you are amused?
Cheers!
John
Hand Foot and Sea
The hand that bears me up
The hand that holds me down
The hand that never lets me go
Too wild into town
The hand that I will always hold
The hand I won’t let go
Is yours till all our songs are sung
And all our stories told
The foot that treads upon the sand
The foot that walks with me
The foot that leads me on is yours
As we head toward the sea
The sea whose shores float in my mind
The sea whose tide is gentle
The sea where all our dreams are spun
And Love is elemental
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Written by Canadian_Bacon (110 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
Well, it didn't give me the giggles, but I was very entertained anyway. I'm typically not a fan of anything to do with romance because they get too...too...in the words of a 6-year-old, "mushy". I liked this, though, because it's not mushy at all, just very sweet.
I don't have any criticisms to share, so well done!
-Mike |
Written by Canadian_Bacon (110 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
| Actually, I do have 1 slightly negative thought, regarding the title. "Body Parts", to me anyway, sounds either gruesome or pornographic--not at all fitting for the nice little tale you present us with. |
Bacon!
Written by Katanga (1163 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
Thank you indeed!
Actually, your second comment pleases me immensely - it was entirely my intention that people mght expect something gruesome or pornographic, only to be confounded by a 'sweet' ditty!
Ho!
I'm developing a more cynical approach to GW, having discovered that if you put something sinisterly alluring in the title, you get more reviews . . .
I think my next 'work' in the 'Body Parts' series will be called 'The Penis meets the Vagina'.
No matter how banal the content, I bet I'll get more reviews than if I call it 'To My Love'.
What d'ya reckon?
Only joking! But then again . . .
Cheers! I shall take a good look at your own work over the bonk holiday! Expect some reviews!
Cheers!
John |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
I like this, though not sure why it makes you giggle.
It is simple, sweet but not over-rich or sickly sentimental.
I see I'm not the only one who's noticed the title thing. An interesting or controversial title will pull more people in, but we're only talking tens, hundreds, a thousand or so at most on GW. It's not exactly big time is it?
If you want to get lots of hits, film yourself reading the poem, post it on YouTube with a sex related title ('Bonk Holiday' sounds promising) and you'll probably be in the hundreds of thousands by the end of the week. It's bums on seats innit.
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Written by mia_ms_kim (975 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
I found this gentle and moving, leading by hand and sea away from the superficial life to the basics of life, the sand and to the sea, as if to go back to the womb of life together. I like the way the relationship is depicted, soothing and calming.
Mia  |
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
| No, John, I think you are wrong in what you think. I've seen this done on GW and you don't necessarily get more reviews. You may get more hits, but if the poem doesn't come up to scratch, then people say nothing. ha ha. Stick to the style and topics that you've done. They seem to be very popular. I agree completely with mia. I didn't expect to find anything gruesome and thought your poem was fun. |
Bonk Holiday!
Written by Katanga (1163 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
Ha! Ha! Yes, Nathan, thank you a lot!
Mind you, putting myself on U-Tube is the last thing I would wittingly / willingly do! Well, you never know . . .
Another paradelle?! I wish . . .
Josie - thanks also. I'm learning a lot, more from you than even S. F. - and that's supposed to be a big compliment.
Please take it as such - I'm exhausted, and yearn to get back to the children's section . . . HONEST!
Bonk Holiday tomorrow - Hey!
Cheers to All!
John X |
Written by Robru (204 comments posted) 27th May 2008 |
| I found this poem very entertaining and readable. The hand , foot and sea title suits the wording nicely. I'm not sure about 'body parts' It was fun to read. Thank you. |
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