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print friendly version
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All Year Round with Toad and Frog |
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By Mr_E_Writer
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25 May 2008 |
One with the kids, for the kids.
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It all begins in January, my simple frog and toad story.
By February they were on the March
through April, May and June.
"July," said frog. "Not I," said toad,
"I’m as honest as the moon."
August brought warm summer days,
September... nights of rain.
October got quite chilly, so
they jetted off to Spain.
November they saw fireworks,
built bonfires made from logs,
and come December, old toad remembered
to send a card to frog.
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Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 25th May 2008 | Great fun poem for children. I think the lines should not be this length though. Perhaps: August brought warm summer days, September, nights of rain. October got quite chilly, So they jetted off to spain. November etc Four line verses. You have four iambic feet in August's line, followed by three. The next line (October ----- ) needs to be four and the last line is quite rightly three. You relly are going in the right direction though I think. Well done. (Get the Stephen Fry Book, that will be a big help). Yes, I liked this and I think children would too.
| Written by Mr_E_Writer (187 comments posted) 25th May 2008 | Josie, thank you for your words of encouragement. I have now made a few changes to the layout that will hopefully improve the flow. Cheers, Eric. | Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 26th May 2008 | | Hello Eric: "Thought" is better than "remembered". Remembered is far too long. You can see that. It has too many syllables. The other thing is that you need a new verse starting with November. Then you will have a perfect little poem and a really good start here on the children's side. I hope you are enjoying it. |
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