At first they look promising
her two socks
lying
on the bathroom floor
like inverted commas
at the end
of a spoken sentence.
But before they open
their dishevelled cotton-rich mouths
we're drifting away
from lines:
bold, black and red,
and musk of breath.
As it is,
they can barely
recall
skin
whisper,
or soft resin watermarks of sole;
they're two passages away
from an indent
behind ankle bone,
the lost dialect of calf;
what hope is there
for the gentle arch of her back,
as his fingers
trace
the undulating
spine
that locks the rib cage
binding
the central plot of her heart?
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (591 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
Never read a poem about socks before. Loved it!
Can't work out whether the girl who owns the socks is around somewhere or whether she has run off (barefoot)and left them.
"dishevelled cotton-rich mouths" is a classy line.
But do explain to her where the laundry basket is or she will always be an untidy liability!
Enjoyed the poem.
V |
Written by mia_ms_kim (951 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
Anothe enigma. A pair of socks leading to thoughts on grammar, then ultimatley to love? That's understandable, sort of. Then the title throws me. Is the poet ultimately disappointed? What looked promising in the beginning? The socks? Or some promise the socks seem to speak of, ie. the inverted commas? And her 'heart' finally let him down? She has another agenda? A plotting heart? Very puzzling indeed.
Mia  |
Written by Phil (6628 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
Liked the start of this very much, but was a little jarred by the move from feet to back - seemed rather sudden. Probably just me. Liked anyway.
Phil |
Lost Dialect!
Written by Katanga (1129 comments posted) 25th May 2008 |
Gosh - 'lost dialect of calf' - Phwoooooargh!
I think I know what you mean, but the fact that I'm not sure makes it even better for me!
And that last bit:
"binding
the central plot of her heart"
is a master stroke!
Cheers!
John X |
Thanks all!
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 26th May 2008 |
VM: Funny you say that, but amongst half a ton of offcuts were the final lines...
'Just two socks then,
lying
at the centre
of the universe
two feet from the washing basket'
But the 'central plot' line arrived later and usurped my original punchline!
Mia: 'What looked promising in the beginning?'
That opening line is ambiguous...I hope it works on different levels, the promise of a poem, the promise of getting closer to 'her' (through language/poetry), perhaps the surreal aspect of the socks actually talking.
Perhaps, the promise of getting closer, but we are drifting further and further away from the immediate present, from her and from the simple prescence of the socks...
language is always two steps from being...(Being - Reflection - Language). Prententious as it sounds, perhaps poetry is the attempt to bridge that gap?
Phil: 'we're drifting away ' is the line which begins the 'panning shot', the language metaphor is carried through the poem as the connector, socks - skin - sole - then 'two passages away' the ankle...it's a fairly gradual transistion, I thought . Most of the earlier versions returned to the socks at the end, but I decided to leave it more open.
John: thanks. 'I think I know what you mean, but the fact that I'm not sure makes it even better for me! '. Me too! I'm beginning to dislike the idea of knowing exactly where a poem's going, wrapping everything up neatly at the end.
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Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 26th May 2008 |
liked this alot Nathan, I always find that one word lines are a precarious structure to take on as it could either work well or just look abit 'off' . But in your case it really works.
Just a quick question: why did you choose not to have capitals for the very first line, and so few throughout the rest?
lovely piece, taking a humble pair of socks to a whole new level.  |
Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 26th May 2008 |
Hi Francoise.
' I always find that one word lines are a precarious structure'
Everything's an experiment at the moment, still only beginning to understand the effect that different line lengths have. In places I was trying to effect the pace, also give emphasis to certain words and towards the end the line lengths are almost concrete patterns (the rib cage and spine).
'why did you choose not to have capitals for the very first line, and so few throughout the rest?'
The first line is the title. Later on I prolonged the sentence (ab)using semi colons rather than cut it up, trying to preserve a flow from the socks to the heart, not sure if that was the right thing to do. |
Written by Brett (720 comments posted) 27th May 2008 |
Nathan, I found this very enjoyable, with some lovely images. Those opening seven lines (including title, of course) are really strong to demand the reader's attention. Enjoyed it very much.
Cheers |
Written by Robru (199 comments posted) 29th May 2008 |
| I too found this a very enjoyable poem where the one word lines added to the flow of the overall poem. A risk to take but, in this instance, the result was well worth it. |
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