At the Old Bailey session I stood there in dock

The judge looked at me and he seemed rather shocked.

"Young man you've been drinking, but dry up those tears

I'll have pity on you and I give you ten years."


Now I live in a mansion, surrounded by walls

To keep all my troubles away

I have boiled eggs for breakfast, roast beef for my lunch

To the pictures I go twice a day

I have a nice kindly warden to tuck me in bed

And bring me a hot cup of tea

But between me and you

If these darned lies come true

All the World would be jealous - of me.