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Shorts
Webbed Feet and a Railroad Spike
By Emmuttmax
26 May 2008
the possible start of a longer piece...or not.

Webbed Feet and a Railroad Spike

Dr. Lucinda Rainwater was 31 years old, slender, athletic, intelligent, and flawed. Her 5’6” frame supported an almost perfectly shaped head that grew naturally blond hair that framed a face that American cheerleaders would die for: button nose, high cheek bones, dimpled cheeks, big eyes, and petite ears.
Lucinda received her doctorate from U.C.L.A. in veterinary medicine and ran a medium-sized animal hospital in Carmel, California. She had three dogs that lived in her house: Libby, a Golden Retriever; Durwood, a medium-sized terrier mix; and Bjorn, a tri-colored basset hound.

Although there was not a man who lived at Lucinda’s house, she didn’t lack for male companionship. She occasionally took lovers, but she was happy being single. Her lifestyle was active; swimming, surfing, horticulture, volunteering at animal shelters, and collecting antiques were hobbies that took up a lot of her time. Lucinda Rainwater was content. She was living the American Dream. Outwardly she appeared normal in every way. There were only two oddities that set Lucinda apart: she had webbed feet, and she was a serial killer.

Lucinda loved her webbed feet; they made it possible for her to swim great distances faster than anyone, but they disqualified her from competitive swimming. “Unfair advantage,” said her competitors and the judges. She protested, saying it wasn’t her fault she was born with an advantage, but the officials were unmoved. Resolved to her fate of never making the Olympic team, Lucinda was not bitter, and ultimately found satisfaction swimming with dolphins.

The serial-killer thing was different. She was not happy that she had been born with this defect that drove her to take the lives of other humans, but like her webbed feet, she could not deny it either.

To date, Lucinda Rainwater has killed 25 people. She ended their lives by driving an antique railroad spike through their hearts. She purchased the spike nine years ago at an antique auction for $17 and kept it clean, sharp, and easily accessible.

Although Lucinda tried to understand her need to kill people, she gave up after victim number five, and wrote it off to “faulty circuitry.” Not much of an explanation, but when you’re doing really nasty stuff like killing people for no apparent reason, explanations were hard to come by.
It was hard sometimes, being a perky, blond serial killer, but Lucinda did her best.

Edgar Smoil was a happy man. His dog Jonny, a pug, won “Best in Breed” earlier that day in the Canine-Orama Dog Show in Bakersville, California. Jonny was now safely asleep in his cage upstairs in Edgar’s hotel room, and Edgar was on his third scotch in the hotel lounge. It was Valentines Day.

Edgar Smoil was 39 and had no woman in his life. As a matter of fact, his dog was his only companion. He had been married, albeit briefly, in his early 20s, but his wife Simone quickly became bored and left him for another man. Although he dated a few women over the years, by the third date, they were ready to move on. Edgar had pretty much given up on romance, and even if he was interested, between his job as a chemical engineer specializing in polymers and traveling to dog shows with Jonny, he hadn’t much time for the pursuit of love. But this was Valentines Day, and Edgar was happy, and he wished he had someone to share that happiness with.

Lucinda Rainwater was also in Bakersfield at the same moment. She had driven down from Carmel to attend an antique auction, and being an animal doctor, had decided to catch the dog show as well. She, too, was happy. A particularly fine piece of art deco glassware had come up for sale at the auction, and hers had been the winning bid.

Lucinda Rainwater was sitting at the long, oak, hotel bar, three stools down from where Edgar Smoil sat. She was enjoying a Campari on ice when her internal electricity tripped a breaker and reset automatically. This was unfortunate, for when Lucinda’s electrical system faltered, she would go into her serial-killer mode. It had happened 25 times before. She turned her head, and saw that Edgar Smoil had the number 26 painted on his forehead.

With her antique railroad spike nestled in her handbag, Lucinda moved down two stools and asked Edgar, “Do you have a light?”

Shaken out of his reverie and slightly startled, Edgar looked at the pretty, blond woman next to him and stammered, “Uh…no…sorry…uh…I don’t smoke.”

“That’s OK,” responded Lucinda, “neither do I. I just thought you looked lonely, and it’s Valentines Day and all. Hi, I’m Lucinda.”

Pretty women did not come up and talk to Edgar, so he was more than surprised that this one was paying attention to him. “Uh…hello. My name is Ed,” he said, preferring the shortened version of his name because he felt it sounded manlier. “I’m here for the dog show. Uh…can I buy you a drink?”

It was then Lucinda knew for sure her railroad spike would find its Valentines Day heart.
In addition to notching up her 26th kill, Lucinda Rainwater found an unexpected benefit on Valentines Day: she now owned a beautiful little pug.

© 2007



Reviews

Written by Canadian_Bacon (110 comments posted) 25th May 2008
I think this would work better as a longer piece. It felt sort of rushed...I would have liked to hear the details of what transpired between "Uh...can I buy you a drink?" and "she now owned a beautiful little pug" at the very least, and you could definitely expand it further than that...perhaps Lucy attempts to find herself (ie. the reason for her peculiar hobby). 
 
Just spitballin'. 
 
-Mike

Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 26th May 2008
Very readable, but can this be a longer piece (I mean a novel/novella length)??? The characterisation of the serial killer is a little too comical and her acceptance of her pathological problem too easy. They don't seem to invite in-depth exploration of a long piece for me, but a short fun poking into a strangely endearing psychopathic character, and a sad pathetic one. 
 
I didn't read the last line as saying Ed was finished off, but that it was the killer's plan. I thought twist was to come in the sequel. 
 
Mia :grin

Written by Emmuttmax (173 comments posted) 26th May 2008
Mike and Mia, 
 
You are both right about the piece needing to be longer and more in-depth. Initially, I considered the story as a novella, but quite honestly, laziness attacked me, and the resulting wounds left my imagination crippled.

Written by JRB (16 comments posted) 26th May 2008
Hi I liked the idea of someone being a serial killer who doesn't seem to fit the usual stereotype. I think that some more depth is needed. Also maybe some more showing and less telling.

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 26th May 2008
Begins really well, flows well, finishes in a bit of hurry for me. It does read as if it is the start of a few thousand words. Could be worth playing with. Your usual humour was there, but much more subdued. 
 
Phil

Written by beatricelouise (215 comments posted) 26th May 2008
Jeez, Louise! You're gonna get yourself in trouble.  
 
The word 'was' is boring, especially when used in every second line or so. Em...Surely, you can come up with feistier verbs. :eek Did moi say that? :?  
 
An antique railway spike would be a tad heavy in an evening bag, don't ya think? 
 
Show, don't tell. Yeah, I know it's hard to do, but I know you can do it. Just take a bit of time and don't rush the story just to get a post in. :roll  
 
Read Woody's last post. It is totally inspiring as far as writing is concerned.  
 
BL 8)

Written by Leigh (226 comments posted) 28th May 2008
So does she kill all these men just so she can get to keep their dogs?! 
 
I really enjoyed this and actually disagree with those who say it's a bit rushed and would work better as a longer piece. For me, it's a delicious piece of black comedy that is just long enough! 
 
I love your blunt style. I actually laughed out loud (does that make me a bad person?) when I read the line that introduces Lucinda as a serial killer with webbed feet, as I was so not expecting it. 
 
I love the pay-off too. And I actually love the fact there is no moralising and Lucinda does not get her come-uppance.

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