Too many problems have kept me from writing , so this rusty effort is little more than an exercise to keep my hand in. Rhyming , metre , rhythm and form need the exercise of a forgiving eye .
macro/micro
The morning's cold has not shut down those worlds
whose traffic roars on the motorway near at hand,
those human ants, their ego-ridden futures planned
though traffic chaos around their metal capsules whirls.
But here, beneath the dying leaves brown curled
the microscopic life can still demand
my full attention, something to be scanned
hidden under leaves with dewdrops pearled.
Until the morning sun has risen high
and dissolved the dewdops weighing down the leaves
a tiny world where tinier life interweaves
is dormant still and difficult to descry.
Two worlds; one I can hear and one that I can see
each quite discrete; and wanting no part of me.
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Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 28th May 2008 |
I wonder if this was influenced by Veronica's recent 'Frames of Reference', which also had a macro/micro theme.
As a comparison, your poem seems more detached, I'm left unsure as to who the narrator actually is, someone literally studying microscopic life, God or another omniscient character perhaps (looking down on 'human ants')?
Why do the worlds want 'no part' of you, I wonder? This seems to suggest more than a mere unawareness of your presence, more of a deliberate conscious rejection.
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Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 28th May 2008 |
Ah, pj, I sense a variation on a theme.
Lucky you being able to look at the garden in the morning rather than having to hurtle into the traffic.
Hey ho with the ego-ridden future! Nice line BTW.
Good to see you back and posting such thoughtful verse.
V |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 28th May 2008 |
Liked the contrasts in this - the wide eye (ear) and the focussing down. Smooth as ever - not rough to me.
Much of your verse of late has a sad tinge to it. Chin up.
All the best.
Phil |
thank you each and all
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 28th May 2008 |
Nathan -- you are right about the influence -- right about the more detached tone ( Veronica's was an personal tribute I think ? ) and right about the sense of rejection.
Veronica - not all that much variation from the depression I have been feeling
Phil -- sad tinge is true-- and yes , I almost always narrow down form the general to the personal . Probably too much ego of my own.
patterjack |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 28th May 2008 |
I don't know if I am reading too much into this but it had a strange almost ethereal feel to it. I felt I could hear the traffic which all of a sudden went silent as your attention turned to microscopic and we were lost in this quiet and totally alien world which is always there; but it does take a certain awareness and sensitivity to appreciate it and even more so to make some connection between the two. As you say they both want no part of you, does the fact that the micro world wants nothing from you make you feel that the other one is in some way just as alien?
Now that is something to think about. I found this a very unsettling piece which spoke so powerfully of alienation
Perhaps it's just me
Glad you're writing again
jane |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 28th May 2008 |
It's interesting that you describe the macro world of human beings as small, puny, filled with ego-ridden human ants self-importantly going about their daily bustles in tiny metal capsules. Indeed that I often think, is a correct picture of us.
But the egoless micro world you describe seems beautiful, mysterious and deep - far more vast and beyond our ability to fathom than the macro world of humans.
I was struck by that observation. After reading VM's poem, I was beginning to think of human race as colonies of organisms dotting the globe. And your poem just highlighted that for me, with a finger pointed at our astounding egocentricity.
I didn't read the last line as rejection or alienation, but as something people gifted with acute power of observation and perception, have to often put up with. One has to take a step back if he/she wants the big picture.
A poignant piece, pj, and beautiful. Made me think a lot. Puts us in our place.
Mia  |
Written by ainsel (68 comments posted) 28th May 2008 |
There is something most satisfactory about your work, my dear - generally things work as they should. This is no exception, and it's a little gem of a thing. Very thought-provoking, too - I know which world I'd be preferring.
I'm not sure about the title, it doesn't quite seem to fit the tone of the poem, but I can't suggest anything better.
ainsel |
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