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By wt
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28 May 2008 |
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The clear spring down mountainside swayed
From snow's blatant assault, winter's glade
Ice turned watery and veined on its flank
Which, I gladly and thoroughly relished and drank
Hidden in cave snake eyed with no reprimand
Earth swells through scents and winds grand
Yet again, morbid pray led into spider's web
No remorse, as fangs are entrenched and blood's ebb
Life's lesion on pupil's reprieve
Doubt not the senses to whom your scars will heed
As to err is as certain as belief
Trust your instinct, it's merely a reflection of your grief
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Menacing!
Written by Veronica_Milvus (591 comments posted) 28th May 2008 | wt - I like the narrative here and the fact that I understand (I think) what is going on. There are some phrases that I thought worked very well.
"earth swells though scents" was good. I'd like to understand better the "life's lesion on pupil's reprieve" line. Lesion a great word, and next to pupil, I was thingking of somebody with a scarred eye - completely off the mark there?
Do you mean "pray" or "prey" in the second stanza, or is that deliberately ambiguous?
A good atmosphere with this one.
V |
Written by Phil (6628 comments posted) 28th May 2008 | I was going to leave a stupid French response:
Je suspecte que ce soit une charge de vieux ********. Mais je ne suis pas sūr, donc je ne dis rien.
It all sounds very pleasant (rhythms, cadence etc) but I'm starting to suspect that that is all there is to this - bar some pseudo intellectual message that remains hidden and obscured. I started thinking that perhaps it's easy to write pleasant sounding words when meaning is secondary.
I've tried, wt - god, I've tried. I just can't be bothered any more.
Phil | Pray / Prey?
Written by Katanga (1129 comments posted) 28th May 2008 | I think, wt, if you're hoping to impress people with your pseudo-intellectual obcsurantism, you might at least pey attention to basic spelling . . .
Not impressed so far! | Okay, my mistake!
Written by Katanga (1129 comments posted) 28th May 2008 | Maybe you mean 'pray'?
Still not impressed . .
Depressed!
John | Veronica
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 29th May 2008 | Hi There,
There's recently been a mini-civil war here in the Lebanon.
This describes a resting "soldier" up in the mountains...where springs are abound after the spring's snow has melted...so yes it is purely descriptive...(nothing obscure)
Witnessing a spider entrap its prey depicts the never ending nature of the fight for survival...from which he cannot escape..Yes a scarred eye !
Also the prey is substituted with "pray" as a play on words to stress the futility of religious belief (the reason for the fighting) and this is emphasized in the last stanza...
Wt | phil
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 29th May 2008 | like i said to err is as certain as belief
don't overdo the humble pie
that too
is merely a reflection of your grief
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Written by Mr_E_Writer (187 comments posted) 29th May 2008 | You seem to go to an awful lot of touble attempting to sound clever. Personally, I think that you fail miserably.
However, how do you feel about going to an awful lot of trouble by joining other members in the policy of reviewing work (other than your own, that is). |
Written by fellpony (1569 comments posted) 1st June 2008 | "to err is as certain as belief" - yep, that includes your title, since repos[/] doesn't end in T ... not does [i]depot begin with R  |
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