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Science Fiction and Fantasy
Forever Chapter 1- improved... for young adults
By jennistar3
31 May 2008

Hi,
This is basically a supernatural romance although it's not all about the romance.  It's about a group of people who aren't what they seem.


Any comments, no matter how brutal would be appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to look

Jennifer x


ps. here is part 2

http://www.greatwriting.co.uk/content/view/14918/82/


  The cool night air blew the damp hair from her face. It was so peaceful. She felt as though she could finally hear herself speak. After a few moments listening to the sound of the wind whistling through the trees she decided to rest up for the night. Knowing little of what lay ahead for her. Of the danger that was about to engulf her life.


*

Alsyn
 

   Waking up with a gasp, I gazed at my surroundings, forgetting for a second where I was. I took a moment to gather my thoughts and wake up .I brushed a hand through my hair; a film of cold sweat clung to my forehead. I was having that dream again. The same one I'd been having on and off for the last month. I was running; being chased. I could hear people behind me shouting, getting closer with every step I took. It was cold as the rain hit my skin, soaking my clothes. I was wearing some kind of skirt or dress, which stopped me from running fast enough. I heard them shout to me and a few of them took off after me. I ran until my legs gave out. I fell and sent myself sprawling. I almost cried out as my arm made a snapping sound, I could have sworn I could feel it as though it was real.


Scrambling to my feet too terrified to stop I got myself together and ran. My bare feet suffered cuts and scratches from the gravel as I ran through the streets. The only sensation now was the blood trickling from each tiny cut. They were still pursuing me even closer than before. I wouldn't dare look back. I found my way to a narrow street and frantically banged on every door with my fists, begging to be let in. I glanced up seeing that every house was boarded up. From the crowd someone stepped forward. I couldn't see who it was; my eyesight was blurred from running. I could see a faint outline step towards me. He said something but I couldn't understand what it was.  
  The chase continued all the way to the cliffs, the night air wiped at my face. A sudden pain swamped my whole body as I jumped. I was airborne.  I could actually feel the sensation of falling and frantically grabbed for the stone and rocks of the cliff for something to grab onto, my life was falling away from me. There was nothing I could do to stop it.
   I fell further before blackness took over me. I woke up screaming and tearing at my sheets like someone was holding me.



   I got up and I switched the bathroom light on. I glanced at myself in the mirror. My face was a ghostly white; I splashed some cold water onto my face to try to get rid of the numbness of sleep. I looked again at my pale brown hair and green eyes and started to feel myself again. I smiled and turned my face to the side to reach for a towel,the colour was beginning to return to my face, not much at that, considering my usual pale white.



   I went to my wardrobe and took out a random pile of clothes I'd thrown in; too lazy to fold them properly.  I quickly got changed into my favourite outfit; skinny jeans and a purple, camisole top with beading at the chest that set off my eyes, which I wore under a white blouse. I stuck on a pair of dark blue jeans and some black converse. I gathered my things from the pile I'd left them in the night before; under my bed where I wouldn't have to look at them, and slung my canvas bag across me, holding my books to my chest. I headed out the door; or I was going to until I heard mumbling from behind me.




   I turned around to find an old woman staring at me with alarming eyes. I jumped with fright dropping my books. Her face was folded in lines and wrinkles with tiny slits that were where her eyes should have been. She had some kind of shawl over her body. I thought it was some kind of omen at first, like the ones Mary had spoken about. I was too terrified to move, adrenaline surged through me, preparing me to fight or flee. I continued to stare. The woman laughed and threw off her shawl before quickly stretching upwards; I could hear a hideous snapping noise. Her huddled, bent over figure grew taller and slimmer the lines around her face began to smooth out into her youth. I was looking at a girl of my own age with long blonde hair and striking blue eyes. She smiled at me, Sarah. I felt like taking a swing at her but though better of it.




   "That was priceless" she was suddenly beside me with my books in her hands. I jumped again.

   "We're not supposed to use it on each other you moron" I said, the adrenaline was still filling me. I had to take a breath to get over the shock. Was she trying to kill me!

   "Are you done with the pranks or is there something else?" I asked snappily turning towards the door again. Now was the worst time for any tricks like that. My hands were shaking as I picked up my belongings than had fallen from my bag. Her face fell.

   "Sorry, I was just playing. You've been uptight lately and I-"

   "I'm sorry," I said not letting her finish; I managed to calm down enough.
   "I know. I've been having that dream again. You're lucky I didn't...." I trailed off but she knew what I meant. I sat down at the table; a look of concern crossed her eyes and I suddenly felt guilty for speaking to her like that. She was one of the best friends I ever had. She went to the fridge and got two cans of lemonade for us.




   "I didn't realize, you should have told us." She said pouring a drink for the both of us. I sipped at it before I put it aside; it was too early to have breakfast or anything like that.

   "I didn't want to worry you. It's probably nothing."

   "With you it's never nothing", she said pushing the can towards me again. "You wanna talk about it? With you it always means something...."

   I swirled the can in my hands, taking a drink. My throat was suddenly dry. A flash of anxiety flashed across Sarah's face before it returned to its composure. I knew it would scare her; that was why I didn't want to tell her. My dreams, like hers and Mary's have an uncanny habit of actually becoming reality. It was something that you could never grow comfortable with, much like the fact that now and again my dreams were shared by others as well as myself, so I can't even escape into my own head. She got up from the table and I thought she was going to run from me.

   "Back in a minute. Wait there I'm going to go get Mary. She needs to know. She can help us." She said as she passed into the hall towards Mary's room. I heard muffled words and a sudden crash on the floor.
 


   "OW!" I heard Sarah yell. "Mary, It's just me no need to throw things, it's important." I heard shuffling and Sarah came back to the table.

   "Looks like it's not just you that's jumpy this morning; I got a clock thrown at me," she said with an incredulous look on her face as she folded her arms. I heard Mary's door open and saw her shuffle out. I almost laughed. She had the worst bed hair I'd ever seen. Her long dark hair was tangled behind her and there was a red mark on her face; probably from leaning into the bed frame in her sleep. She seemed to shuffle along almost in a trance-like state; her usual gracefulness wasn't quite awake yet. She mumbled something before going to the bathroom to fix herself. When she came back out, she looked a little better. Her hair was smoothed back into its usual loose glossy state trailing down her back. Even though she had, no make-up on she still managed to look normal, unlike me who still looked like something from a zombie movie.



Reviews
very lighthearted start
Written by jennistar3 (21 comments posted) 1st June 2008
this is really just the beggining, I'm just introducig the characters in this and the net chapter, it gets more exciting asit goes on so bear with me. 
 
Thanks for taking the time to look 
 
you rock 
 
jennifer 
 
x
Me again
Written by littledom2008 (95 comments posted) 13th June 2008
:grin I've did this a bit back to front but hey. This is a good opening, well written and definitely 
makes me want to read on so go find chapter 2 :P 
 
D.C
hi
Written by Scrawl (80 comments posted) 13th June 2008
There is just one typo I noticed you have sits for slits when describing the old woman's eyes. Good, that got all the negatives out of the way. I like the explanation at the beginning, the characters are well portrayed and react like real people. It is interesting to come across a central character who isn't flawless, a little insecurity makes her so much more human. Nice one.
Howdy ^^
Written by Thievesfire (77 comments posted) 13th June 2008
Hi there ^^ 
 
I loved this - probably because you're just as descriptive as I am which is great! 
 
There is only one thing I'd mention which is when she's saying about the dream she tells Sarah she's had the dream - two times, I dunno if thats intentional but I thought I'd point it out!! 
 
*goes to read next part*

Written by Goddess (124 comments posted) 16th June 2008
Oooo... I really enjoyed this... not going to stop long! Off to read the next chapter!!! 
 
Very very good. I loved the use of dreams and the story is great! 
 
 
Goddess x

Written by AlisonKim (20 comments posted) 26th June 2008
Loved it! I'm not really one to read supernatural stuff but I definitely enjoyed this. I like that the main character is introduced in a state of anxiety - we are straight into the story. And the description of the dream was surreal and foggy, just like a dream ought to be. Great stuff. I'm off to read some more. 
 
AK 
 
:grin

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