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Poetry
Performance
By jillrabbit
02 June 2008

Inspiration from the everyday event so often taken for granted.


Still life, waits with baited breath
For the warmth of the coming day
From twilight, promises of sun
Lift the grass, a thousand dewy fingers
Applaud the feeble rays
Slow to burn the morning mist away.

Rook tree flutters leafy wings
Awakening the birds in lofty beds.
Swelling swiftly, a crescendo of song
Which builds to fill a garden theatre;
Light unfolds on all the floral players
Shyly turning centre stage with dancing heads.

They take their cue from early morning sun
Another day's performance has begun.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 2nd June 2008
A pleasant prelude to morning. It paints a clear and beautiful picture. 
 
In terms of form, this teeters between free and structured. Perhaps a more pentamic form would have given this the rhythm I struggled to find. Hark at me! Perhaps it's not important. 
 
Phil

Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 2nd June 2008
I'm not sure if the metaphor of life as a performance/theatre hasn't been overdone. An original metaphor can sometimes disguise weaker material, but in this case the imagery and wording are put under the spotlight (excuse the pun). Other than this, it's well written.  
 
I especially like 'a thousand dewy fingers  
Applaud the feeble rays 
Slow to burn the morning mist away'. and 'Rook tree flutters leafy wings'.

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