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By Katanga
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02 June 2008 |
Here's an elaborate attempt to get out of doing the washing up!
Comments welcome, as ever.
John X
A Troubled Troubadour
If I could pluck out a melody
from the air of Heaven
place it on your skin
see goose bumps rising
to welcome it within
and take it through your pulsing veins
let it percolate through to your heart
Do you think you might forgive me
my soulful attempts at art
If I could only conjure up
a melody on ice
cold enough to freeze your soul
Would that be too cynical
or actually rather nice
If I built you up a tune so fine
never heard before
that mermaids sang and danced to
Would you drown yourself in my embrace
Could you ask for any more
I cannot say, my only Love
for I can do none of this
but I try one way or another
to entice just one sweet kiss
So I try to torture a poem
out of songs I could never sing
When our candle flame is flickering out
and the Dove of Peace is on the wing
will you merely forgive me
for the song I cannot sing
or will you beckon me somewhere else
in a place I’m afraid to go
where you give me everything
and all is so and so
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Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 2nd June 2008 | | Hmmm - I've read this a few times and don't want to dampen your ardour John, but I have actually seen you write better love poems. But if it helped you get out of the washing up - well, good! Quite the right thing I would say! I also hope that your candle flame doesn't flicker out but just burn down at a steady happy pace. | Ah Josie! Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 2nd June 2008 | Well, yes, thank you Josie. I'm not proud of it - I want to go and review your latest in the 'For Kids' section . . . I saw them this afternoon - just off there now to review! Cheers! Slothful Slug! X
| Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 2nd June 2008 | There's a cheeky playfulness to this, John - until the end. Oddly, even though I agree with Josie - you've written better poems - this has more soul than any of them. Playful it may be, but it touched me. Phil | Cheeky End? Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 2nd June 2008 | Thank you , Phil - I think you've got me sussed! I tend to start out playful and then, towards the end of the jolly bottle of Pinot Noir, end up maudlin. looking for the killer line! Ha! Cheers! Beware the next . . . John X | Written by Robru (219 comments posted) 3rd June 2008 | I would have like to see this poem ending in the same vein as it started. The soul would still be there and I like happy endings. | Written by NathanRoberts (277 comments posted) 3rd June 2008 | | It's Romantic with a capital R, hopelessly Romantic, - the metaphor of music and love, the troubadours, the candles flickering out, plucking the melody from Heaven's (harp?)...it's dare I say, unashamedly cheesy, yet you somehow pull it off. Is it your inate modesty and tongue in cheekery, or the genuine emotion that does it? | Ah, Rob! Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 3rd June 2008 | Thank you so much for this - what I thought intially was a scathing attack turns out to be a compliment! I am inately cheesy, but try to 'refresh' cheesy images - the sun the moon, the stars. the dawn. mermaids etc etc will never go away in love poetry, so I try to give them fresh air, as it were. (Ha!) I don't know how to answer your last question - I feel I'm a mystery unto my own self, if you get my drift. I believe you're a psychologist???? I feel genuine emotion with my mermaidy moonlit stuff - at the same time I know I'm flirting with other poets, putting my tongue in my cheekiness etc It's all good fun, and in my view, if something is not in some way double or multi- layered, it's unlikely to appeal. I think sometimes genuine emotion leads to poor poetry and 'faked' emotion produces better - distance helps? I feel dreadful when I try to review a poor poem where the emotion is quite clearly genuine ( e.g. set out clearly in the introduction). Hmmmm. Food for thought? Cheers! John X
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