Following on Bernie's Bobby
Mohamed, Rabih, Haitham, Helena, Tarek, Yasmine, Zeinab, Mustapha, Lilian, Ramzi, Farah, and Yusuf Died
Not in any particular order
Nor for any particular reason
They Died
In Pain
In Fear
And
Together
Round their way
Mohamed, Rabih, Haitham, Helena, Tarek, Yasmine, Zeinab, Mustapha, Lilian, Ramzi, Farah, and Yusuf Died
A 2000lb Bomb dropped on their heads
A 2000lb Bomb
Did for Mohamed, Rabih, Haitham, Helena, Tarek, Yasmine, Zeinab, Mustapha, Lilian, Ramzi, Farah, and Yusuf
Iraq May 2008
|
Hits where it hurts
Written by meadowcroft1964 (102 comments posted) 3rd June 2008 | | Hits you right in the heart Children are the true victims of war |
Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (95 comments posted) 4th June 2008 | There are no innocents victims in war. There are only victims. War is shit whichever side you're on.
Were the Iraqis happier when it was Saddam killing them? Are they happy when democratic weapons kill them? Are they happy when they kill each other?
As for your poem - bloody hell, talk about name dropping!
I think I might have chopped up the names and placed them in amongst the text to give more of an impression and idea that it's not just one isolated bomb that is killing these people. It would have probably given it more impact , sort of...
Mohamed, Rabih and Haitham died
Not in any particular order
Or for any particular reason
Helena, Tarek and Yasmine
They Died
Zeinab, Mustapha and Lilian
In Pain
Ramzi, Farah and Yusuf
In Fear
And
Together
Round their way.
Mohamed, Rabih and Haitham died
A 2000lb Bomb dropped on their heads
Tarek, Yasmine and Zeinab, too!
A 2000lb Bomb
ETC.
Anyway, that's how I see it. Although meadowcroft seemed to like it as it was, so I'm probably wrong.
Later,
Turk. | Hard Hitting!
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 4th June 2008 | Strong stuff - I think TT's idea above is interesting, but I find the starkness of your 'list of casualties' and its repetion works really well.
Cheers!
John | TT
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 4th June 2008 |
Earlier this month, a guy not too far from where I stay in Beirut had half his body blown off by a deliberately shot RPG...guilty of standing on his balcony at the wrong moment as fighting erupted in the city...
Today, those battling out at the time are forming a coalition gvt...
What would you tell his family today TT, that there are no victims?!
As for the above, the list is that of school kids in Sadr City as it was pounded by US fighter bombers late April-May...again needless victims...
This work was to stress from Bernie' "Benny" that though Benny's loss is ultimately a grief and possibly pointless, soldiering is a profession whereas the greater tragedy is for the innocent bystanders/victims in "war"
| John
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 4th June 2008 |
yes I think so ( and I had to shorten it )
Best
wt
|
Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (95 comments posted) 4th June 2008 | Oy, dipstick. Can you read or do you just rant blindly? Head stuck too far up your jacksie is it?
*What would you tell his family today TT, that there are no victims?!*
What I said was: “There are only victims.”
When you start pigeon-holing the dead it makes it too impersonal. Our losses, enemy losses, innocent victims. A death is a death. No matter who, why, where and when, they’re all dead, all victims.
Understand?
Pillock!
| TT
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 4th June 2008 |
Sure you'd last long in such circumstance with that attitude Rambo!
Birds of a feather flock together
Regards to your buddy
| TT - Calm Down!
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 4th June 2008 | TT - your initial postings have been admired by some seriously good poets on GW. Have a look at their histories . . .
Sometimes comments are misconstrued or taken the wrong way - it's par for the course, and people get irritated with each other sometimes.
However, if you barge in as a newcomer with outright abuse, people will largely ignore your own work, no matter how good it is.
Is that what you want? Your choice!
I sound patronising, I know, but I mean it as a piece friendly advice.
All the best,
John |
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