I love a good vampire or werewolf film. Or better still, films that feature both.
I suppose that, being a bloke, I prefer werewolves. My understanding is that girls normally get turned on more by vampires. It's no doubt because of all the neck nibbling and eyes to die for!
Malachai closed the sitting room door, his right hand clutching a large brown paper bag. With his free hand he wiped the last traces of blood from his chin and, with a contented sigh, placed moist fingers to his lips.
Isabella looked up and smiled; her steel-blue eyes reflecting the dancing flames of the log fire. “Good meal?”
“A young lad. Down by the sawmill,” replied Malachai as he rubbed at a wayward crimson droplet that had found its way onto the sleeve of his military-grey overcoat. “I've had better. Truth told he was rather scrawny, all skin and bone. In fact, decidedly malnourished!”
“Mm,” murmured Isabella, raising an eyebrow. “I trust that you've saved some for the children? It's all very well them trying to exist on a diet of hamburgers, but it's just not healthy. Their complexions are suffering terribly. Have you seen Nicole's spots?”
“A hand and lower arm. It's all that was left,” said Malachai, somewhat apologetically. He handed the paper bag to his wife and strode purposefully towards the open fire.
Isabella placed the severed appendage on the arm of her leather Chesterfield. “Some of the fingers have been nibbled.”
“You could make them some soup.”
“Soup,” exclaimed Isabella. “Again! They require something with a little more substance, more body.”
“A whole one!”
“Nicholai is a growing boy.”
“Yes, but a whole body! There's barely enough to go around as it is. The elders are beginning to look upon us unfavourably,” said Malachai as he stood before the fire rubbing warmth back into his hands.
“I'm sorry; I know that you do your best for the family.” Isabella picked up the hand and made her way towards the kitchen. “I opened a bottle of wine earlier. If you’d like a glass there's still some left. It's on the sideboard.”
“Red?”
“Naturally.”
Malachai poured out a glass of vintage Rhesus triple-X and sipped at it morosely. Times were hard, and the elders were prone to erratic behaviour during periods of hardship. With a saturnine expression spreading across his features, Malachai sat down by the fire to contemplate his next move. Perhaps it is time to challenge the authority of Baron Svetnovski, he mused.
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Fan girl Written by Thievesfire (77 comments posted) 4th June 2008 | Yes yes I'll admit that I'm a vampire and werewolf fan girl ((though personally I'm more of a wolf girl!)) I love the way you've written this, it's well humored and gets to the point straight away. Well written and I can't wait to see more! Spooks XX | Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 4th June 2008 | Gruesome imagination, particularly about the soup! I felt that your dialogue would read better if you just used action tags for many of them. eg. ... "Good meal?" "A young lad. Down by the saw mill." Malachai rubbed... "Yes, but a whole body! As it is ... unfavourably." He stood before the fire rubbing his hands together. "I'm sorry, I know that you do your best." Isobella picked up the hand... "said Malachi, replied Malachi, asked Isabella, murmurred Isabella, he mused" etc etc seem redundant when it is obvious who is saying what, and how they are saying it. It can get in the way of absorbing what really matters. Also placing the action tag in front of the speech, often paints a clearer picture for readers (but not always). eg. Isabella raised an eyebrow. "Mm... I trust ..." I hope the above helps. Mia | Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 5th June 2008 | Enjoyed most of this TT. Well written with a healthy level of humour, it kept the attention well and was entertaining. A little let down by the ending. Seems like you'd had enough and thought: how do I finish this then? Shame really as it let down a good piece. Phil | Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (223 comments posted) 5th June 2008 | Mia, cheers for reading and commenting, but I’m going to have to disagree with you on most of the issues you’ve raised. As an example. You suggest: Isabella raised an eyebrow. "Mm... I trust ..." This is fine if Isabella says: Mm… I trust that you’ve etcetera, with little pause between Mm and I. But ellipsis pauses are only as good as the patience of the reader. If he/she decides to rush through the ellipses you end up with: Mm, I trust you.” Whereas (in my opinion) “Mm,’ murmured Isabella, raising an eyebrow. “I trust that you've” forces the reader to pause between the dialogue, in the same way that Isabella pauses and raises an enquiring eyebrow before asking the question. I hope the above helps. Turk.
| Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (223 comments posted) 5th June 2008 | Thievesfire, I had you in mind when I wrote this. Cheers girl, Turk. | Written by Turquoise-Tangerine (223 comments posted) 5th June 2008 | Ah, Phil, you’ve sussed me, mate. You see I was mooching around the site and discovered that there are quite a few werewolf and vampire fans, and that most of them are girls! Now I’ve always been a bit of a sucker for the fairer sex, so I thought I’d have a go at something they might like. I’ve tried to make it a bit more down to earth and humorously horrific because I wanted to avoid the sexy neck sucks, etc. It’s all a bit tongue in cheek, foot in mouth, or even best leg of virgin in stomach. Cheers, mate, Turk.
| Heya! Written by Goddess (124 comments posted) 7th June 2008 | I liked this very much not much I can add really. I liked the way the characters acted and it was all so very smoothly done and calm. It hit the right notes without being too gruesome and more just a 'part of life' Very good. I hope to see more of this! Goddess x | Hi Written by littledom2008 (95 comments posted) 7th June 2008 | This is nicely done if a bit short. I agree with Goddess hope to see more of this work. D.C |
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