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Poetry
Tempest
By CharlieDee
04 June 2008

I will not sleep
For fear of dreams
The ones from which
I cannot wake.

I fear the night
For wakeful thoughts,
And fear the day
Perhaps the most.

I’m stripped and bound
By Love’s cruel twist,
In me an angry storm begins.

My thoughts are hurled
And smashed to bits,
The smiles, the taunts
Come back to haunt.

This tempest cruel
Intensifies,
The lies dig in
Their claws draw blood.

Oh let me sleep
And let me wake
Let this storm be
Gone and done.

Retract your claws
And let me heal
My withered soul
Now needs to rest.

No more I plead
I’ve bled enough
I’ll pray now to
My lord above.


Reviews
Hey! Charlie!
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 13th June 2008
This is fantastic! 
 
Line 1 gripped me instantly with its ambiguity. 
 
I mean, is it a prediction of what's to come, or a refusal to contemplate it?! Brilliant! 
 
Technically, I love the internal rhymes, particularly the short 'i' sound: 
 
'twist, stripped, in, bits, intensifies, dig, in.' 
 
All in the middle - and then they evaporate, leaving long, dark sounds: 
 
'sleep, wake, storm' 
 
and then a tiny echo of the 'i' sound with: 
 
'withered' 
 
Huh! I think it's very, very good! 
 
And the last line? Phwoooooargh! 
 
A capital 'L' would make it too smugly safe, if you see what I mean? 
 
The small 'l' leaves it open, and the poet vulnerable. 
 
Love it! 
 
More please! 
 
Cheers! 
 
Katanga (aka KTJ) 
 

 

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