Its a kind of scary nursery rhyme thing I remembered in a nightmare.
This is not for reading in your head. Unless your head happens to be a place where such things lurk contentedly.
This is for reading aloud, in a voice imbued with a particular husky malevolence.
Best read to impressionable youngsters, before a blazing fire, around bedtime on haloween.
The last stanza should be read in a progressively sinister dramatic style, and accompanied by a lunge, claw-handed at the "victim". Wonderful!
Oli
Nobody’s coming
but the green grass is growing
and the clear water’s running.
The wind’s voice echoes
down the soot-black chimney
what did he say?
Nobody’s coming
but the green grass is growing
and the clear water’s running.
I crane my neck
my cheeks are burning
too near, too near
the flaming coals.
Man o’ man
that makes the hands
so big for catching!
Oli 04/06/08
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Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 4th June 2008 |
| Ha Ha - Scared the bloomin' daylights out of me when I read it every so slowly and with a deep voice. The little blighters wouldn't want to stay up late after hearing that. ha ha. (Neither would I!!!) On the other hand, perhaps somebody i s c o m i n g! - shhhhhhh! See that shadow on your window pane. ahhhhhh |
Sinister Indeed!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 5th June 2008 |
I think this is superb!
What really cranks up the sinister effect for me is the repetition of the first stanza.
Can't put my finger on exactly why, but it sure sent shivers down my spine . . .
Cheers!
John |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 5th June 2008 |
"and accompanied by a lunge, claw-handed at the "victim". Wonderful!"
Do you do a lot of Childrens' Parties then,Oli?
It is always the unspecified, fear that is the worst. It's what we manufacture for ourselves; with a bit of help from scary offerings like this.
Yes, very sinister
cheers
jane |
Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 5th June 2008 |
From the title, I was expecting this to be about some elderly person, home alone, in a council block, for some reason. But it was beautifully spooky. You could take the directions in the intro further perhaps. Rather than the reader doing it, it's Christopher Lee, at night, face aflicker round the fire with a group of cub scouts. Or Christina Ricci, Addams Family Values, the school camp and sickly blonde girl - "Can I be the victim?" - "All your life".
Yes, as Jane notes, I hope you're not moonlighting as a clown.
Did you make it to Dundee, by any chance, for that joyous Thursday night?
Cheers.
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Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 5th June 2008 |
Yep, scary in a jump round after seeing something in the corner of your eye and screaming 'WTF was?' that sort of way.
Glad you wrote claw handed and not claw hammered - I would be worried then.
Phil |
Written by Mr_E_Writer (225 comments posted) 6th June 2008 |
Three of us have tried this out and, sorry, just don't get it.
I understand the voice howling down the chimney and the person burning themselves trying to hear, but what is the last part about? "Man o’ man, that makes the hands so big for catching!"
Not scared, confused!
Eric, Luke and Dave (in freight forward).
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Man o' man?
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 6th June 2008 |
Hi Mr_E_Writer!
I too am confused by 'Man o' man', but I guess the last two lines are the father lunging scarily at the child, only to then rescue him/her with his big saving hands, bringing a happy, ultimately comforting ending to the spooky story?
Perhaps Oli himself could confirm / enlighten us?
I hope so, because I love the piece!
Cheers!
John |
how about
Written by fellpony (1749 comments posted) 6th June 2008 |
| punctuating it as "man, oh, man! that makes the hands so big for catching..." Read it in a Glaswegian accent. |
Written by Mr_E_Writer (225 comments posted) 6th June 2008 |
A weegie? Di r hair yi say weegie?
Straight doon ah'm no well, r cannae be dain a weegie, no in ma truss! Ave yi nay hernia boot ma condition? |
Lost!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 6th June 2008 |
Sorry!
I'm none the wiser, Telephony!
Help!
Ha!
Cheers!
KTJ |
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