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For Children


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Dinner Time - a short story for younger children

By 1211kellie

06 June 2008

A short story based on children's fussy eating habits. My two are not that bad but they have their moments. Any comments good or bad much appreciated.

My baby sister Chloe is so fussy when she eats.

Mum tried to feed her fish fingers and peas, dad tried to feed her a slice of chopped ham and I tried to feed her a soft golden egg with warm buttered bread. But it just ended up on the floor.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaa! don’t like it,” screamed Chloe.

Mum tried to feed her porridge and jam, dad tried to feed her mashed potato and cheese and I tried to feed her spaghetti in sauce, which was tricky and messy of course. But it just ended up on the floor.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaa! don’t like it,” screamed Chloe.

Mum tried to feed her warm mushroom soup, dad tried to feed her plain flavoured crisps and I tried to feed her big chunky chips covered with gravy, all gloopy and thick. But it just ended up on the floor.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaa! don’t like it,” screamed Chloe.

Mum tried to feed her peanut butter on toast, dad tried to feed her chicken and rice and I tried to feed her sausage and beans, but she still wasn’t keen. It just ended up on the floor.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaa! don’t like it,” screamed Chloe.

Mum tried to feed her green wobbly jelly, dad tried to feed her raspberry blancmange and I tried to feed her a nice fruity crumble, which even made my tummy rumble. But none of it ended up on the floor.

“Ummmmmmmm! I like it. Please give me some more,” smiled Chloe.

Reviews

Written by Josie (2780 comments posted) 6th June 2008

Ha ha - a lovely little story. Another winner Kellie. Only one little thing (being fussy) - but you only use & in the name of a company: eg Smith & Co . It doesn't look right in a lovely story like yours. Hope you don't mind my telling you this.

Written by mia_ms_kim (997 comments posted) 8th June 2008

I really liked this, and this was what I had in mind when I thought you could repeat the very successful dummy story style. I tried it on Nathan, but he keeps saying he wants the dummy story. (So I had to read the dummy story to him again.)

I wonder if it's because the food we eat at home is more oriental so he doesn't relate to the food in the story??? It could be. We just eat a lot of rice and noodles and marinated meat.

Maybe 'But it just ended up on the floor.' isn't active enough? Maybe Chloe has to throw food around??? May be it should end up on faces??? Don't know. Maybe more colour and gooey texure will help??? eg. red spaghetti, green avocado paste, yellow runny eggs??? Perhaps Chloe eats something spicey by mistake and cries, and she has to be quickly fed cold water or milk or something??? Scratching my head....

I wonder if you introduce naughty food into the mix, desserts, chocolates, sweets etc, it might grab children's attention???? But then we don't want to wet their appetite for bad food.

Writing for children is not easy... Hmmm...

Mia :roll

Thank you
Written by 1211kellie (165 comments posted) 8th June 2008

Josie - Thank you for your positive comments and for picking me up on the &.

Mia - Thank you for your positive comments, your suggestions are very good and I will give much thought to these.

Kellie

Hey
Written by littledom2008 (95 comments posted) 9th June 2008

This was nice but I think I prefare the dummy story.

D.C

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