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It's Water Off A Drunk's Back To Me (or The Pisshead's Pantoum) |
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By Brett
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08 June 2008 |
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It's water off a drunk's back to me;
the mighty sober looking down their nose
because I do not drink so sensibly
and stagger not so nimbly on my toes.
The mighty sober looking down their nose
enjoy to see this fool soak up his fill
and stagger not so nimbly on my toes,
it is a gift explained as natural skill.
Enjoy to see this fool soak up his fill?
Forgive me if I have quite lost this thread,
it is a gift explained as natural skill
if I've repeated anything I've said.
Forgive me if I have quite lost this thread,
because I do not drink so sensibly,
if I've repeated anything I've said
it's water off a drunk's back to me. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 8th June 2008 | Splendid!
Excellent how the pantoum format suits the rambling drunk. Good choice of form. But anyone too drunk probably couldn't write one of these, so I think the gentleman doth protest too much. And "stagger not so nimbly on my toes" was a great line.
You've earned one of those mega martinis!
I might have to write a temperance poem on the health benefits of sobriety (like I'm entitled!). |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 8th June 2008 | I prefer the subtitle.
John's beaten me to it in saying that the form suits the subject matter. A good excuse to repeat lines. I'm a little wary of forms like this that repeat (for little reason except that is the form) but the two marry up really well here. From now on, villanelles and pantoums should be restricted to drunkenness and dementia.
Anyway, enjoyed this very much. Loved the second - and I agree - there is a certain skill (and grace - although perhaps that's a little subjective) in being charmingly drunk.
Made me smile. The 'mighty sober' is immediately drawn as one of those middle aged public school types who drive a new shiny black Audi, drink bottled water and campaign for the Tories come election time. Perhaps that's my own prejudice.
Super stuff.
Phil |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 8th June 2008 | I'm not a drinker, but I'm impressed with this piece! It's so clever and skillful. The drunk comes across as endearing. He seems far too witty to be really drunk, but he somehow comes across as truly drunk!
Mia  | Superb!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 9th June 2008 | Superb, as ever, Brett!
You're a veritable Master of the Fiendish Form!
BTW - Phil, it wasn't me who 'beat you to it' re the form being suited to the topic . . .
It was the revered Veronica!
(hope shae hasn't noticed - might be no less than a little somewhat unchuffed!)
Cheers!
John | Thanks to
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | Veronica - yes, that was the idea - that the form would depict the repetitiveness of the talkative drunk.
Phil - love the idea of a villanelle for dementia! And as for your interpretation on 'the mighty sober' I would say you are definitely not alone in your prejudice.
Mia - too kind, as I was drunk when I wrote this - so, thank you.
Tolstoy - Thank you, but no master I'm afraid - see Dorothy Parker and Wendy Cope!
Cheers |
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