Great Writing - Home > SF > Lest We Forget - Part One (EDIT)
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 966 guests online and 3 members online
Science Fiction and Fantasy
Lest We Forget - Part One (EDIT)
By Goddess
08 June 2008

The edit of my last piece - Goddess x

FRANCE. PARIS. BRITISH HEADQUARTERS
(MIDDAY 7th AUGUST 2047)
  


Fingernails tapped impatiently onto the surface of a solid mahogany table, which was dusty with age and neglect. Long, manicured female fingernails to be more precise belonging to a young woman. Her features were more… arresting than attractive and though her figure was slender, it was also athletically toned.


‘Well, North - Are you going to explain or are you just going to sit there smirking?’ Her superior questioned in a serious voice, his squinted brown eyes hidden under a thick monobrow. North glanced at him innocently, her long eyelashes complimenting her stunning pale blue eyes, then she went about removing dirt from a fingernail. She continued to tap, tap, tap away with her other hand.


‘I didn’t do anything.’ 


‘Don’t mess with me, North.’ Her superior snapped, his fist banging the desk sharply. He was a large giant of a man but North wasn’t fooled. The man had the fright factor of a puppy… not just a puppy but a puppy  that hadn’t yet been housetrained. ‘I’m not a fool.’


‘The thought never crossed my mind, sir.’ North replied in mock surprise then she grinned, he scowled at her and she continued. ‘Oh come on! I locked the man in a cell for a night.’


‘He was a politician!’ Her superior burst out, his face going as red as a London telephone box. North simply shrugged.


‘He should have thought about that before.’


Her Superior glowered at her for a moment then rose from his chair, the leather squeaking with relief. North played with her identity tag absently, grinning at him.


‘This is my last warning, North.’ He growled rubbing his temples in aggravation. ‘I MEAN my last warning. Is that clear?’


‘Of course.’ North replied lightly.


North stood and stepped gracefully towards the door.


‘Woman or not, North, one more slip-up and I’ll have your guts for garters.’

Quickly and cunningly North slipped out of the room and down the hall. She stepped out into the November rain, covering her head with a watebrella and pulling the coat above her chin for warmth. North’s stiletto boots clicked against the stone pavement as she neared her hotel. After moving inside she strode into the reception and closed up the watebrella letting the water evaporated out of sight.


‘North. I left my key with you while I was out.’ She told the receptionist smoothly.


‘Yes.’ North was handed her room key and retired to her room. It was already empty as her bags were packed, ready and gone for her next assignment. As the woman thought about this the phone rang. She stared at it before picking it up.


‘Hello, Frante... Yes I did get your message...’ North paused to listen to the caller intently. ‘Where would you like to meet?... No, I understand that…. I spoken to Captain Fanon, he’s leaving Paris in about an hour. So I’ll meet you in the ports? Now?’ North glanced at her watch critically, chewing on her lip. ‘Now should be fine, my luggage has already been sent over... Ok, Frante... How will I recognise you? Do you have your ID tag? Ah ok, that’ll be ok then. See you soon. Bye.’ She slammed down the phone, heading towards the door. ‘Could you call me a taxi?’
Before the woman could answer North had headed back out in the rain, opening an envelope slowly and cautiously.

Reviews
hey
Written by littledom2008 (95 comments posted) 8th June 2008
This is a vast improvement. Now so much smoother, well done Goddess. 
 
D.C
Perhaps too short
Written by ianhobsonuk (182 comments posted) 23rd July 2008
There’s not a lot wrong with this, but it was so short that it failed to grab my attention and make me want to read part 2. Maybe the dialogue could be improved. 
 
Ian 
Guiseley, UK

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

Next item