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Poetry
When we are Gone
By Katanga
09 June 2008

Well, it's that time of night - I've just posted some 'poo stuff' (do go see!) on the children's section, so here's a maudlin 'adult' one to balance . . .

A bit rushed! Comments welcome!

BTW The title is from a sad Tom Paxton song, and I think the first two lines are either pretty 'derivative', if not downright plagiarism! (Joan Baez - Barbara Allen? Plus something else?)

Apologies!

Cheers!

Weeping John X


When I Am Gone 

 

When I am gone and laid in grave

think only this of me -

that I loved you once,
fierce,
fierce as the raging sea

 

I leave you now with nothing much -

just scraps of poetry.

What they tell is for you to judge

but, God, what they mean to me!

 

Of you I mean, not me myself,

for I am here no more.

Please, lay them on our dusty shelf

and pray for Life’s encore.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6628 comments posted) 9th June 2008
Your 'something else' could be.... 
 
Rupert Brook: 
 
If I should die, think only this of me;  
That there's some corner of a foreign field 
 
Christina Rossetti 
 
When I am dead, my dearest, 
Sing no sad songs for me 
 
It also has echoes of Yeats - When you are old - my favourite poem at the moment. 
 
No matter - this stands alone. I think this is the second of yours that has moved me recently. Simple, avoids trite, direct, lovely. - The old romantic in me. 
 
Lines 9 and 10 I had to read a couple of times as they threw me off. Sentiment bang on, but you may want to look at them to stop others fumbling at that point. Could just be me of course.  
 
Fun poems are great - but don't dodge the fact you can do depth; and do it well. 
 
Like very much.
Crikey, Phil!
Written by Katanga (1129 comments posted) 9th June 2008
Gosh! to use a trite old-fashioned ejaculation . . .  
 
You've sussed my sources 100% - brilliant. 
 
I don't feel bad for echoing them - humbly pleased in fact, but thank you so much for identifying them - I can now revisit them in peace. 
 
I shall look at my clumsiness in lines 9 & 10. 
 
Thank you for your final comment - bucks me up! 
 
I share with you a love of 'When you are old . . .' 
 
I can't actually get through it without cracking, if you know what I mean? 
 
Looking forward to lots more banter . . .  
 
John X 
 

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