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Poetry
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Dancer (song lyric)
By raindancer
09 June 2008
Loosely inspired by a friend who spent her youth as a dancer.

little girl in pink
she spins and twirls
her body an artform of its own
smiling for joy
performing
the only life she's known

[Chorus]
your sacrifice no real life
all your strength
your body
cuts the air like a knife
when asked who you are
only one word comes
dancer

sixteen in gossamer
flowing through the air
every move shimmering grace
awe on every face
same smile
hides the pain

[Chorus]
your sacrifice no real life
all your strength
your body
cuts the air like a knife
when asked who you are
only one word comes
dancer

midlife darkness hides
smile comes
as she starts to glide
remembered joy lights her way
darkness gives way
to the light of day

your sacrifice gave way to real life
all your strength
your plans
forgotten in strife
when asked who you are
can you still say
dancer

[Chorus]
your sacrifice no real life
all your strength
your body
cuts the air like a knife
when asked who you are
only one word comes
dancer

Reviews

Written by Livinginanattic (473 comments posted) 10th June 2008
Welcome to the site Raindancer. It's good to see someone post a song lyric here.  
 
I liked this. It's a little bit different and quite touching, particularly when she recalls the joy of dancing in middle age. When I read 'hides the pain' I immediately thought it was emotional pain, but it could be physical as well which made it intriguing. 
 
Verse 1 set up the rest of the song very well. The sentiment was good but the way it was expressed didn't seem as elegant as the other verses, although without hearing it being sung you can never be sure. 
 
You've written a strong chorus but 'Cuts the air like a knife' seemed a bit cliched to me, as did the rhyme of sacrifice/life. Not a major problem, you did create the image of a dancer giving her all and delighting the audience with her professionalism, and doing her spins and twirls with sharp, powerful movements. 
 
Cheers, 
Ben

Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 10th June 2008
Welcome to GW Raindancer. I was also a dancer when I was a little girl, and continued to dance and enjoy it as an adult too. May I just ask you, though, why you have written this poem with no capital letters and no punctuation? It seems very strange to me. It is important to any writing to make sense of it, knowing when one thought finishes and another starts. Thank you.
Thank you
Written by raindancer (5 comments posted) 10th June 2008
Thank you so much, both of you, for your comments and your welcome to the site. 
 
To answer your question Josie.. I've never written a song lyric before... well not quite true... I've never intended to from the start. I have one other that I wrote... started as a poem ended up a song. 
 
The lack of case and punctuation is somewhat purposeful, because the normal rules of sentence structure don't really seem to apply. 
 
I'm hoping to get assistance from the members here to improve my writing... we'll see. 
 
I feel somewhat underqualified to critique you all! 
 
I have a large body of work I've written in just a few months... some I'll post here to see what you think. 
 
Thanks again for your kind comments!

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