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print friendly version
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Don't Turn The Lights Out |
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By Adam_S
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10 June 2008 |
A dying man thinks about his life as night falls. all reviews and ratings welcome.
Don’t turn the lights out I like the feelin’ on ma eyes,
Tho everyone smiles at me I know am gonna die.
Laying here I wonder am I the demon I feel inside?
Or am I just an angel who never got his time?
I think of all the things I’ve done
The decent and the lies.
Of all the people who let life just pass them by,
I’m glad I wasn’t one of them
My life was never dry.
So don’t turn the lights out I like the feelin’ on ma eyes.
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Excellent! Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 9th June 2008 | Welcome, Adam! I really like this - kinda reminds me of 'Heaven's Door', and that's supposed to be a compliment! Suggestion: have a look at the punctuation, e.g. the unnecessary comma after 'life' 4 lines from the end. I think this is really good - just needs careful editing re punctuation generally. Cheers!! All the best! Hope to see more from you . . . John | Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 8th August 2008 | A very interesting poem, kinda dark and mysterious which I like. Character seems almost tortured at points although without any regrets. I get the feeling the character knows he's done some bad things yet doesn't feel much remorse, and feels that at least - for all his weak points - he made an interesting life instead of dull, ordinary people who kept to the middle of the road and ultimately got nowhere. Liked this, nicely done! |
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