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Poetry
Don't Turn The Lights Out
By Adam_S
10 June 2008
A dying man thinks about his life as night falls. all reviews and ratings welcome.

Don’t turn the lights out I like the feelin’ on ma eyes,

Tho everyone smiles at me I know am gonna die.

 

Laying here I wonder am I the demon I feel inside?

Or am I just an angel who never got his time?

I think of all the things I’ve done

The decent and the lies.

Of all the people who let life just pass them by,

I’m glad I wasn’t one of them

My life was never dry.

 

So don’t turn the lights out I like the feelin’ on ma eyes.

 

Reviews
Excellent!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 9th June 2008
Welcome, Adam! 
 
I really like this - kinda reminds me of 'Heaven's Door', and that's supposed to be a compliment! 
 
Suggestion: have a look at the punctuation, e.g. the unnecessary comma after 'life' 4 lines from the end. 
 
I think this is really good - just needs careful editing re punctuation generally. 
 
Cheers!! 
 
All the best! Hope to see more from you . . .  
 
John

Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 8th August 2008
A very interesting poem, kinda dark and mysterious which I like. Character seems almost tortured at points although without any regrets. I get the feeling the character knows he's done some bad things yet doesn't feel much remorse, and feels that at least - for all his weak points - he made an interesting life instead of dull, ordinary people who kept to the middle of the road and ultimately got nowhere. 
Liked this, nicely done!

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