Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Second Song For A
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1748 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
Second Song For A
By patterjack
10 June 2008
Trite? But then A.could be trite too.


Second Song For  A.

There was a time for laughter,
there was a time for joy,
but because of what came after
all happiness to destroy

            that time has gone, my dear,
            that time has gone.

Time now brings with it only pain
A pain we know must last;
regrets will come again, again,
to renew the errors of the past

            but joy will not return, my dear,
            joy will not return.

What confessions can we make
to avoid a retribution?
what repentance will it take
to bring us absolution?

           None will suffice, my  dear,
           none will suffice.

Time gone; never to return;
now time is what we lack
Each of us has come to learn
there's no turning back.

           There's no turning back, my dear,
           There's no turning back.

Reviews

Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 10th June 2008
A poem for the latter part of life, Brian - no teenager could write of this concept without giving way to angst! 
 
Congratulations on having beaten the formatting demons too - your new computer must agree with GW :)

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 10th June 2008
I thought it steered well clear of trite and was more an honest acceptance of reality It struck me as the antithesis of that slightly psychotic American style positivity where everything has to be suffused with a Doris Day glow. Reading this makes me think that only people who have lived a life should write about it. I also think it should be a criminal offence for anyone under 50 to write their autobiography..... 
sorry I'm rambling. 
A beautifully understated bit of work 
jane
Jane and Sue
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 10th June 2008
Many thanks for the reviews. It is a form that stays with me -- ever since 1946 in fact. I try not to use it too much -- too hard on the nostalgia nerve !  
 
patterjack

Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 10th June 2008
I agree with both fp and bbs. One earns the authority to make certain observations about life after living a few years of it, I think. And as with bbs, I find it ridiculous when someone less than 50 writes an autobiography.  
 
There is realism about this piece (rather than fatalism I think) that gives relief to a reader. I think when one denies or escapes reality it creates stress, whereas when one faces reality however uncomfortable, there is relief. I feel like that about this piece.  
 
And what a thought-provoking title, 'Second Song for A.' 
 
Mia 8)
First/Second Songs
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 10th June 2008
Both forms sourced in my reading back in 1946 . The tone of the first poem is more sombre , the second more resigned as you say Mia . 
First one from second one for 
 
Did not take long either,so it must have been brewing mentally for some time ! 
 
thanks for the review Mia 
 
patterjack 
 
 
Trite? No!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 11th June 2008
Absolutely not! 
 
Strong stuff indeed! 
 
I must seek out your 'first song for A.' 
 
I really like the feeling of 'resigned melancholy' which I get from this, enhanced by the repetitions in the indented 'couplets' (chorus lines?). 
 
A very interesting form, admirably suited to the content. 
 
BTW I'm 51 - maybe I could bore everyone with my autobiography?! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John
Thank you Katanga
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 11th June 2008
I myself am 79 , and have absolutely NO desire to write my autobiography-- or have anyone write it for me . Too many secrets ! 
 
patterjack

Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 11th June 2008
great poem, I love the lines inbetween( I'm sure there is a name for them). It is sad and regretfull but its simplicity and openness keep it from going too dark. I'm sure I don't know what I'm talking about but I seldom return to a poem but this one I have re read so far a few times therefore it pleases me. 
Px
High praise...
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 11th June 2008
... from you punchy-- ( whom I have not seen for some time !! ) 
praise which is much appreciated ! 
 
patterjack 
 
 

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item