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| Pathetic Bob the Peacemaker | |
| By Emmuttmax | ||||||||||
| 10 June 2008 | ||||||||||
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I had to take Gizmo and Paco to the vet yesterday. When I returned home, I tried to work on a short story about a crow and a telephone repairman, but the ruckus in my backyard diverted my attention.
Pathetic Bob: Peacemaker
I was sitting in my office this afternoon trying to write when I was distracted by rustling of leafs atop a small group of trees by the greenhouse. The trees stand about 15 feet high and their trunks are no bigger than one of my biceps, but they are replete with dense greenery. The leaf shaking became more pronounced, which conjured up an image of cheerleader’s pompom working overtime at a football game. Curious, I moved my chair to get a better look, but it took me a bit of searching before I spied the cause of the furious movement of the leaves. It was Randy, one of the squirrels who rent the oak tree by my swimming pool. He was holding on to the small branches, yanking them back and forth, and flamboyantly swishing his tail. Although Randy and his partner Milo are gay, I’d never seen either one of them engage in flamboyance before so, naturally, I was quite puzzled. Scanning the back yard, I tried to see if Milo was in the vicinity, hoping his actions might shed some light on Randy’s behavior. The many large oaks in the yard are in full bloom, and the dappled sunlight streaming through canopy offers ample camouflage for tree rodents, but eventually I saw Milo perched on one of the high branches of he and Randy’s house. He was staring directly at the spot where Randy was…uh…doing whatever he was doing. Milo appeared stoic and rigid; he was clearly unimpressed with Randy’s display. Even from my office overlooking the pool, I could feel disharmony in the air. I nudged Pathetic Bob--who was sleeping on the floor next to me—and ask him to go outside and see if he could find out what was going on. “Jeez, do I have to,” he whined. “It’s hot out there.” “Come on Bob,” I encouraged, “you know the squirrels think of you as their confidante; if there is trouble brewing, we need to nip it in the bud. And Bob, do it quietly; I don’t want the other dogs to know, you know how excitable the Cheegle can get.” With great stealth Bob went out the dog door, down the steps from the deck, and over to the back fence by the greenhouse where he looked up and caught Randy’s attention. They conversed for a few minutes, and then Bob walked over to the far end of the pool and sat on the deck by the big oak tree and whistled for Milo’s attention. (Yes, Bob can whistle; the sound comes out his butt.) At first, Milo pretended he didn’t hear, but soon he was climbing down one of the main branches, coming to rest at the crotch where it meets with the trunk. The stoicism Milo had displayed earlier disappeared as he began waving his little forepaws and chattering at Bob. Bob let him rant, and after a while the squirrel calmed down. Finally, Bob trotted over to speak to Randy again, and then came back in the dog door to my office. “So what’s going on?” I asked like an excited schoolgirl. “Jeez, chill out Mike, you sound like an excited schoolgirl,” said Bob rolling his eyes. I tried to recover my dignity as Bob explained the situation. “Look, it’s really no big deal. It seems Randy got all worked up because he thinks Milo has been taking him for granted and not paying him enough attention. He said he’s had enough of Milo’s crap and he just snapped. He said he was sorry if he distracted you, and he did apologize to the tree.” “Well what did Milo say?” “I was just getting to that, Nancy boy, if you’ll just be quiet. Ok, Milo said not to worry about anything, this happens every so often. He also said Randy is a drama queen, but he loves him.” Bob jumped up on my desk, and we both looked out the wall of windows to see if there were new developments. The trees by the greenhouse were calm, and Milo had disappeared from the crotch of the oak tree. “Look Em,” Bob said directing my attention to the small vegetable garden. “I think they’ve made up.” It certainly appeared as though the spat was over. Milo and Randy were holding paws and gently flicking each other with their bushy tails. “You did a good thing out there today Bob. I’m curious about something though.” “What’s that?” asked Bob. “Well, you told me what Milo and Randy said to you, but you never told me what you said to them.” “Nothing much,” he said. “I just told them if they didn’t cut out this crap, I would teach the Cheegle how to climb trees. (c) 2008
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