This is a small piece about one of my characters from my young adult book. This gives a little bit about his life and what he can do.
I hope you like it and any comments no matter how hash are appreciated, pretty please

Will
We turned the corner and took off down the long road to the next soul that would likely be waiting for me. We blared the sirens as we neared the busiest road, the cars parted like the red sea and we passed on. When Matt pulled up at the curb I jumped out with my kit and headed over to a slumped figure in a graffiti covered doorway.
She was mostly clothes, her bottle blonde hair was greasy and flattened to her head. Her skin was sallow and her arms were covered in marks. She was just a kid; another waste of life OD. I knelt down in front of her and pulled her hair away from her face. Her eyes looked up at me as I raised her head with my hands. She wasn’t in there, there was no light. I checked her neck for a sign of a pulse only to find nothing. Matt attempted CPR , but I knew it was no use. The girl that had been in that body was gone. I knew this because she was standing not even a foot away from me, looking on at the scene.
I could see her, no mist surrounding her, no ghostly transparency. She appeared just the same as she was when she was alive. She leaned against a wall casually with a cigarette in hand, she pulled her coat together and zipped it up. She looked on at Matt trying desperately to resuscitate her, she didn’t seem to care about what was happening to her body. She met my gaze as she breathed out a large cloud of smoke in my direction.
“Tell your buddy not to bother,” she said as she saw him pull out various medication to try and jumpstart her heart again. I stared at her as I checked for a pulse again, nothing. She crossed her free arm over her chest, sat on the ground, and watched Matt pounding her chest with all his strength. She took another puff and sighed as she exhaled.
I turned to Matt, put my hand on his shoulder and said “Matt, It’s been twenty minutes. We should call it.” When I said this I looked over to see her shrugging her shoulders at her body.
“good riddance” She said as we packed everything up and put her body onto a stretcher. She followed her body inside as I shut over the ambulance doors and turned back to Matt. He didn’t take stuff like this well, for me it was my life.
“Dammit,” he said as she slammed his fist into the side of the van. He looked at me with sympathy, having no idea that he had a mini reaper riding shotgun with him.
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Will Written by awakenedmind (48 comments posted) 12th June 2008 |
The more I read the more I liked it. The beginning didn't seem to draw me in as much as the ending did. Good subject matter to which I think you could expand the storyline without losing anything. The title if that what it was (Will) did nothing to help what ended as a good story Only my opinion, everybody has different things they like and/or dislike. Michael |
wow thnaks Written by jennistar3 (21 comments posted) 12th June 2008 |
I've only just written and put this up, so that's a really big compliment. Sure, I'm not great with titles. It was a bit of background on he character that I was doing along with the other's to make them more relistic in my head, but I think I could expand it inot a short story as he's really a small character in my other writing Thanks very much for the review Jennifer |
good Written by lovelysarah1984 (82 comments posted) 12th June 2008 |
I really like this piece. It was very original and well written, it flowed nicely. Well done. |
Written by Goddess (124 comments posted) 12th June 2008 |
Heya! I liked this alot. Just found a typo - 'She was mostly clothes' - is 'clothes' supposed to be 'clothed'? I really liked the story and would definately love to see more of this. The character is intriguing as is the storyline! Loved it. Goddess x
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thanks Written by jennistar3 (21 comments posted) 12th June 2008 |
thanks very much to everyone that has reviewed this, it's really helpful and gives an ego boost. with the part about describing the girl, I wanted to give the idea that she was very frail and skinny, hense her padding being just the layers of clothes she was wearig, I could maybe make that more clear. It's really interesting to see that you would like it as an individual piece of writing. I could do that when I'm on break from my main thing. I wrte this when I was procrastinating, I seem to be able to do most of my better work when I'm avoiding doing something anyway thanks so much for the reviews |
Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 12th June 2008 |
Very good piece of writing - I was totally engaged beginning to end. Would love to see more of this also. |
Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 12th June 2008 |
A very original subject matter - enjoyed it thoroughly. I was intrigued by the girl - you could develop her - she has so much potential - or you could leave us guessing - I quite liked the story - continue your good work... Regards, TT |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 12th June 2008 |
A very interesting character. I thought this was written well. It reminds me of Ghost Whisperer, the US TV soap. Actually quite of lot of paranormal thriller novels seem to be inspired by similar TV soaps. If this is one of them, I think it's fine. I think there is a lot of room for creative spin-offs in the genre yet. Mia |
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