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Beautiful Dead Things
By Nick
12 June 2008
Reader beware - I may have crossed a line (Do lines exist in writing anymore?)

Comments much appreciated

    I can't help but touch her cold pale skin.  Her lifeless eyes are so beautiful.  She looks like a film star from the Audrey Hepburn era.  She was my friend, my lover, my everything and now she's dead.  She is dressed in her favourite pink dress and matching shoes.  The necklace I gave her, after our first date, is draped around her neck.  It's a simple silver necklace with a dolphin pendant but she loved it and wore it always.

    In the grand scheme of things we were only together for a short time but it was time well spent.  The first time we met, we were both enjoying the sun's warmth in the park.  I knew then I had to have her.  After some  awkward moments and misinterpreted words, she came home with me.  That first night was the best of my life.  We did things together that are not even in the Kamasutra.  

    She was a wild one.  I had several bite marks and scratches on my back in the morning but I'd never felt so satisfied as I did that first day.  I cooked her breakfast in bed and we made plans for the rest of the day.  She didn't need to go anywhere, so I phoned my work and told them I was sick, not entirely a lie but I still felt slightly bad about it.  

    We didn't really do to much that day.  We lay around chatting and occasionally making love.  The sex was never that important.  More like a by-product of our growing passion and respect for each other.  It had been a long time since I'd felt like this and it was great.  I don't even think I had the usual anxieties you get when opening yourself up to another person.

    The days flew by in a blur of shared jokes, good conversation and great sex.  My back and chest was red raw with scratches but I didn't mind in the slightest.  If that was what she was into then so was I.  She kept saying she wanted to call her mother to check up on her but she never got round to it.  It was always another distraction.  We were perfect together and our souls were as one.

    The day she died it broke my heart.  I was feeling slightly uneasy all day but didn't really think much of it.  She was in bed sleeping.  She told me that she was tired and just needed some rest.  I watched her sleep for a while, she looked like an angel and I cried.

    I knelt down beside the bed and stroked her hair.  She started to wake, so before she could open her eyes I slit her throat with my trusted straight razor.  She died in less than a minute.

    I couldn't take the chance anymore.  The police were looking for her, there were missing posters everywhere and it would've only be a matter of time before the cops came calling.  I can't help what I am, I just love children.

Reviews

Written by Canadian_Bacon (114 comments posted) 12th June 2008
:eek  
 
Hm. Well if there IS a line, you probably overshot it by a mile.

Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 12th June 2008
Hmm. A topic that many avoid - for obvious reasons. In some ways, equally difficult to read and comment on. 
 
I suppose this shows the delusions a paedophile may have. I say 'may' - I don't know. We're often told that they see what they do as normal - but in modern society, with all the publicity - it may feel normal, but they must know it isn't accepted as so. That begs the question who the narrator is addressing - a fellow paedophile - or just Joe Public?  
 
It's simply written - and although there is a slightly uncomfortable feel throughout and one or two hints, the end comes as a chilling and sickening surprise. I guess I should have suspected more from your intro. Its simplicity and coldness lends it a little more stark horror. 
 
I'm not sure what to think about this. I don't think there are any taboo subjects to write about - and you gave a warning. I do think it's important how the subject is treated. I'm still considering that one. 
 
Brave for tackling it. I'd be interested in what response you hoped your piece would illicit.  
 
Feeling uncomfortable. I think because there are parts of this that glory in the whole thing. Told in the first person, there can be no balance. That's not a comment on you BTW, just the writing and the position it leaves the reader. We're so used to being given implicit (or even explicit) moral guidance. Here we have a highly passionate subject and a totally dispassionate telling. 
 
On balance - I think my reaction is that it is a good stab at something very difficult. That doesn't stop me doubting though. Proves the power of the whole issue. 
 
Phil

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 12th June 2008
Michel Foucault once spoke about Sexual morality and the Law.  
 
He along with other French intellectuals had signed a petition addressed to the Parliament, defending the decriminalization of all consented relations between adults and minors below the age of fifteen (the age of consent in France at that time). He spoke about the emerging supervision of sexuality and the increasing social control on the behavior of an individual. Well, what he was trying to say, I guess was that until it is an actual rape (without consent), nobody should judge or categorize that person as a criminal.  
 
Coming to your story -  
 
It is chilling. We've had different takes on the same subject by different authors, including a recent one by Leo. I liked it. I didn't predict the end. So one goal achieved. There are certain things I would like to point out though -  
 
suns - sun's 
Karma Sutra - kamasutra 
conversion - conversation  
 
You mention about the scratches on the back twice - that put me off slightly.  
 
Regards, 
TT 

Written by Becca2010 (24 comments posted) 12th June 2008
I had to read this twice! I loved how it was like reading two different stories. The first, a tragic lost love (before the end of course) then the second gives you a sickening feeling at the idea of anyone doing that to another person. Very interesting piece.

Written by Nick (163 comments posted) 12th June 2008
Thanks for the comments. 
 
CB - You probably right - I did overshoot the line by a mile!! 
 
Phil - I saw a documentary last year where they interviewed this old man and he was talking about a lost love - I missed the start and didn't realise he was talking about a little girl. it freaked me out a little and I ended up writing this. 
 
Also I decided to post it for several reason. The first and main one was to see if people thought there was a line that you don't cross in writing and the second was to see if I could get from the reader the feeling I got when watching said documentary. 
 
TT - thanks for pointing out some of the spelling errors - there now fixed. 
 
Becca - Your comments was exactly what I was going for - first reading seems like a nice love story but second time through it is all very sickening. 
 
Thanks again folks. 
 
Nick

Written by DaleGorder (46 comments posted) 13th June 2008
hahaha... 
I think you did a pretty decent job overall. I love the surprise ending! Very nice touch. When I read how you cut her throat I was beginning to feel a bit let down with what I thought may be a cliche ending. But then you snuck' up on me and saved the day! lol 
 
I think if I were to attempt an improvement. It would be to write the main body with even more innocence and love. That way your end will be even more intense. Over the top? Of course, but that's what makes writers stand out. :)

Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 13th June 2008
Very difficult subject to write about, particularly if you are going for the overt rather than the implied approach. My worry is that if too much is written about this does one become desensitised to the actual act. Given the subject matter, probably not, but I still perhaps favour the implied approach. I suppose one could argue that nothing should be taboo when it comes to creative writing but with me the jury is still out on this one.  
Having said that, your story was very well told TT, despite what some would see as an uncomfortable read. A brave bit of writing, which I`m sure will invoke many other comments. 
 
happy writing 
Roger

Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 13th June 2008
Sorry Nick! Just been reading a piece by TT and I`m afraid it overlapped. As always I blame it on the menopause! 
 
Roger

Written by Nick (163 comments posted) 14th June 2008
Dale/Roger - Thanks for the comments. 
 
I'm still not sure what i think of this short. I keep thinking about deleting it as I think I've gone to far but then it's interesting to hear others people's views on boundaries etc. 
 
I'm off to sunny Spain in a few hours, so I'll leave it up until I get back at least - see if I get anymore comments. 
 
Thanks again 
 
Nick
Oh my...
Written by ReflectingGod (29 comments posted) 14th September 2008
...I was like 'awww...Dr.Jekyll' 
Then... 
 
'Ahhha Mister fucking Hyde!!!' 
 
That was such a change from one to the other that I am still over- 
whelmed by the last line. 
 
But if you read it for a second time, there is so many hints to what it truly was. 
 
You never cease to amaze me, Nick.

Written by Nick (163 comments posted) 18th September 2008
RG - Thanks for the kind review, glad you liked it. 
 
Nick

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