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Shorts
Storm
By DaleGorder
13 June 2008
  A twig snaps in the fog while a whirlwind of fall leaves begin to swirl around a form otherwise unseen. Rising from a frost heave, ejected from the ground like a newly surfaced rock, it now has no home.

       As it grows in size the leaves spinning around it expand their orbits, while more slide into place racing around the invisible force. It begins a forward motion, bending trees as it passes. As it feeds itself on simple air, it grows in strength until whole trees join the leaves in orbit.


      The morning sun raises an eye, and wipes the fog from vision. Clearly now he sees the pest that scurries across his concentration.


      The first humans find no safety in groups. Sucking from it's base it lifts them screaming into it's swirling force. Toying with their broken bodies first, it then tosses them aside with no regard. It has no mind, no intellect to guide it, yet it grows.

     
     Lightning begins to flash at the top of it. A darkness forms and rain falls in a feeble attempt to slow. but despite nature's efforts it swells in size.

     
    God looks at his art and seeing it being vandalized he holds back, knowing the vandal is not yet exposed.  Force without reason does not exist.

    
     At last, when the mercury has risen, and the clouds bend and deform joining the force at will. Set takes his position on the throne they have made. Concealed by the darkened sky he has defeated the sun's attempts to expose him.

    
    Angels cry out, sounding as sirens to the wilderness of the coming. God caring no more for the whole than for one, forms a tear.

     The tear slowly falls from the face of perfection, passing though space and time unaffected because of divine creation. It lands with a massive splash upon the ground forming a body of water. Set bent to task cannot avoid the newly formed lake as his deed has one direction.


     He charges the water in attempt to cross with measured hell bent fury.


     Underestimating divine pureness once again, the black funnel begins to slow. Sucking the pure into it's core, it changes. Turning white now, it hovers over center lake, now a glowing whitened testimony of defeat.


      Releasing all, it showers from top, cascading downwards it melts into the lake like a dying fountain.


      Sun restored the clouds to reflect upon God's creation. And the water turned heavenly blue.


Reviews
Hello
Written by Goddess (124 comments posted) 13th June 2008
I loved the description and the way you tell this is very awe inspiring and I especially loved the last line: 
 
'Sun restored the clouds to reflect upon God's creation. And the water turned heavenly blue.' - The calm after the storm. 
 
I loved the description of vandalising the earth and I really have nothing to change. It was a very nice short. 
 
 
Thanks 
 
Goddess

Written by DaleGorder (46 comments posted) 13th June 2008
Goddess, 
Thank you so much. I once saw a large black spinning tornado move on to a lake. When it found the lake it turned completely white and cascaded down like a dieing fountain. The water it sucked up was too heavy and it ended the wind. I was so in awe of what happened I wrote this little story. I'm glad you liked it. :)

Written by Emmuttmax (174 comments posted) 13th June 2008
Very nice descriptive writing. 
 
The only discordant note was "when the mercury has risen." It seems to be out of place in a piece filled with primordial scenes. Thermometers had yet to be invented.

Written by DaleGorder (46 comments posted) 13th June 2008
Em, 
Thanks for pointing that glitch out. I never noticed it before and you are right. Thanks again. :)

Written by Nick (146 comments posted) 14th June 2008
As with the comments above - very nicely written.  
 
Can't really say much more than that so thanks for the read. 
 
Nick

Written by DaleGorder (46 comments posted) 14th June 2008
Nick, 
Thank you. I've read a couple of your works, so the compliment means a lot coming from you. :)

Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 15th June 2008
Very unusual... Don't know what to think. I wonder if this falls into fantasy genre. It seems spiritual. I'm puzzled as you can see... 
 
Mia :roll

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