In despair, due to not being able to write anything, I've resorted to stupidity. No offence, I hope, to any auburn headed beauties.
Prompt taken from Lazy Writers.
My Roots
While some complain their roots need attention
Mine are shrivelling - in need of retention.
I need to appreciate what there is left
Before my scalp, of hair, is bereft.
My nose sprouts forests of gigantean proportions,
My ears perform hirsute insurrections.
While shining, brown locks refuse to show,
The pubes on my neck sprout proudly and grow.
What’s happening below defies explanation -
It’s too tender there for defoliation!
Not to appear a bald headed whinger,
At least I can say, ‘Thank god I’m not ginger.’
|
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 14th June 2008 |
Superb, Phil - I've got the helpless giggles . . .
That's supposed to be a compliment!
Typo - 'Mine are shrivelling and (in) need of attention'
Love 'hirsute insurrections'!
Well, and the rest of it!
Oh! Waaaaaah!
Cheers!
John |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 14th June 2008 |
Bum. Cheers John. I've only just realised I've repeated attentions too. Tossed it off - so to speak - and then worried about offending red heads instead of editing. Off for a think...
Phil |
Ah yes!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 14th June 2008 |
Excellent quick edit - sorted.
Sorry! Ha! Another one:
'gigantean' should be 'gargantuan'!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Still giggling, and I'm in the middle of cooking a chicken and making gravy etc
God help my supper and my relationship!
Cheers!
John X |
Proportions?
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 14th June 2008 |
Oh Lordy - an afterthought . . .
'gargantuan erections' would rhyme better with 'insurrections'?
Waaaaah!
Katie X |
Written by Fledermaus (3301 comments posted) 14th June 2008 |
You prefer baldness over red hair? Strange. But then, some time ago I read that many British people seem to have some sort of prejudice against redheads (while ironically ginger hair is probably more common there than anywhere else).
Nice poem, and clearly recognizable as a Phil-poem  Somehow your choice of subjects and the way they are put into rhyme seems pretty unique. |
In defence of the redhead!
Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 14th June 2008 |
The redhead is associated with a hot temper, I think - but in many romantic novels the heroine is a redhead, so this can't be too much of a prejudice. She usually has green eyes, as well. I don't think, however, that I have come across a novel where the HERO is a redhead.
My husband is - or was - a proper "copper" redhead and is much less hot tempered than I am. So I know the stereotype is not true universally.
I think Phil just picked the word because it rhymed nicely with "whinger" (and I will pass over in silence the rhyme with ginger beer.) |
conversation stopper
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 14th June 2008 |
On a bus returning from practice teaching supervision I got into an argument with a 25 year old , good looking , but very born again Christian -- on a religious topic . One of her arguments was so illogical , I told her , that it had in the past made me tear out my hair in frustration. She asked me if I was worried about baldness and then breathlessly informed me
But bald men are virile!
I wonder how she knew !
So worry not our Phil , you probably only went bald from rubbing your scalp on the bed head
patterjack |
Ha! Ha!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 14th June 2008 |
Oh patterjack!
You are a one . . . as they say!
Neat comment!
Cheers!
John X |
Written by Mr_E_Writer (187 comments posted) 14th June 2008 |
An amusing and interesting little ditty, Mr Phil.
However, of far more interest is the reasoning behind John suddenly referring to himself as Katie!
Is it John's Saturday night special?
Ah, at last, the wife’s gone out. Now, where did I put my silver sling backs and the black lace panties?
Regards,
Eric X
|
Hi Phil
Written by jean.day (2283 comments posted) 15th June 2008 |
I too enjoyed this. Men do get really upset by baldness, I know. My Philip did much better when he was bald than I thought he would, but now that he has hair again, he refuses to have it cut - and it is long in back - and curly. It sort of sticks up all over like a halo - and he looks a bit like a mad scientist typical cartoon.
So maybe the way to get your hair grow back is to have chemo. Not that I recommend it really. |
Written by Lizzy (800 comments posted) 15th June 2008 |
Good one Phil
Lizzy |
Written by coosh (868 comments posted) 15th June 2008 |
Must remember to use the expression "neck pubes" on my next visit to the barber. Nice unexpected ending, for those of us slow on the rhyming uptake. Chemo, Jean? Isn't it an injection of female hormones that cures baldness - with the side-effects of a large pair of breasts and an inability to read a map properly.
Good fun, Phil. Some terrific and very catchy expressions in this piece. Although the nose situation is of some concern. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 15th June 2008 |
Thanks all.
Katie - I thought it was only Wednesday evenings - are you sure you're not letting this thing take over?  |
Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 15th June 2008 |
Good poem with, of course, your trademark humour. Enjoyed.
Ben
|
Written by CatGem (33 comments posted) 15th June 2008 |
very funny!
i'm especially fond of :It’s too tender there for defoliation!
laughsss |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (637 comments posted) 16th June 2008 |
Ginger hair has a nice Celtic connotation and often goes with gorgeous green eyes. So I've always liked it, although my own locks tend toward the "mouse".
It is a truth universally acknowledged, though, that hair never grows the way you want it - and often appears in places where you don't want it! The joys of ageing. |
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 16th June 2008 |
| Yes, a good fun poem Phil and I go along with all that has been said, except to say one little thing: Why is it that bald headed men can still grow such good beards? Why don't the beards stop and all the energy be put into growing that on top to keep the brain warm? Isn't this strange. They say that rubbing cow dung into the scalp helps the head, and you have plenty in Lancashire. Oh my! Imagine how the classroom would smell? A classroom of smellies and no mistake. |
Cute as a button!
Written by beatricelouise (215 comments posted) 24th July 2008 |
Phil,
What a fun poem! I have a son whose hair is light brown, but when he allows his beard to grow, it is totally red. Too cute.
Isn't it fun to get older? When we were young, hair was a major, major thing. Don't touch my hair! Remember?
Now, it's what hair for some guys. But the overgrown hairs in the nose is common to both genders. Ouch. doesn't it make you sneeze when you tweeze them.  Enjyoyed this one. |
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