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Poetry
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A Passing Crush
By Katanga
15 June 2008

Yes, well, I know it's a bit creepy . . .

I just suddenly found myself wanting to write something from the perspective of a fourteen-year-old girl - and here it is.

For better - or worse - comments welcome!

Streuth!

Cheers!

John X


A Passing Crush

I love you

Never been here before
Never seen you before

Now I know
I see you singing
I feel like falling
Falling
Deep
In love
With your face

I dance to the rhythms
 Of your hands
Yes - I've seen ordinary bands
But you're special
God - so special!

I just want to take you
In my hands
And offer up
My sacred cup

But I know
I know you are falling
Falling away
Away from me
As I stand here
Dancing 

Your fingers are preoccupied
With complicated fretting
Each cool lick rehearsed and planned
And still I'm not getting

What I want - your attention
I go back to your face
Ignore your fingers for a while
But still there is no trace

Of recognition in your smile
As you oil through your sadistic licks
You bloody paedophile!

I hate you . . .

Reviews

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 15th June 2008
A little too coherent for some of the teen angst we get on here - but it does carry some of the hallmarks of an unformed mind. Not, I assure you, a comment on you. I assume, as you wrote as a 14 year old, that it was deliberate. 
 
A little unsure about the paedophile comment - although I know many a teenager uses it as a catch all insult as they know it carries the power to wound. 
 
Phil

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 15th June 2008
BTW: Did you get into character and dress as Katie while penning this one? :grin
i like it!
Written by SeasideScribbler (8 comments posted) 17th June 2008
I think this was well done, i especially like your use of enjambament, to show they way that her thoughts flow and follow on. I think you captured the intensities of a teenage crush really well, and the indignant insult at the end is brilliant, go Katie! 
 
I agree with Phil, I'm not sure about the use of paedophile, maybe you could use a teenage insult like minger *cringe* what a horrible word!
Hmmmm! Thanks Guys!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 17th June 2008
This (mine) was an ill-considered off-the-cuff midnight offering . . . 
 
SS - I'll have to look up 'enjambament' in my Stephen Fry, but I'm chuffed if I unwittingly used a posh technique! 
 
I'm also not sure about ptting the 'p' word in . . . but anything else would lack the force I need . . . Hmmm. 
 
Phil - thank you! I'm always Katie some of the time! 
 
XXX (not proud of this one!)

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