That day they called to tell me
You were crying
You were afraid

You who never cries
You who are so fearless

That day they called to tell me
You were crying
You were afraid

Crying
Afraid

It was hot
Texas August hot
I had patients
Many patients

The number came up on my phone
I stared
            As always
Steeling myself
                     For death

The number came up on my phone
Rising from the asphalt mirage of a Chinese restaurant parking lot
Where I sat
Wilting in the heat 
Writing up an overdue note

Hello?

Breath holding
Waiting

Something is wrong with Debbie
She is crying
She is afraid
She is asking for you
Over and over

Asking for you

Crying
Afraid

Worse than death

The click of the closing phone
The left side of my brain doing what it does
Planning
Organizing
Managing
            Forty-five miles to her
            No gas
            Three patients

Left side clicking away
                              Click
                              Click
                              Click

Its right side twin doing only what it could
                                                           Screaming

She is crying
She is afraid
She is asking for you
Over and over

Asking for you

Driving
Racing
The black banquet table of Texas road
Wincing into the blue-white afternoon
Hearing a voice
         Yes, please, if we could re-schedule... Yes, tomorrow, say for 6:00?  Brilliant. Thank you.
The voice of the left

The right still screaming

She is crying
She is afraid

Standing frozen in the heat outside the doors
Beyond them
Lay a place I could not go
A place from which I could not turn

Pushing past the re-conditioned air
Down the coolness of the hall
The wedges of my shoes
                                   Squeezing soft puffs of heat
                                                                          In their wake

And there you were

Crying
Afraid

Caregivers huddled around your bed

Also crying
Also afraid

They parted like a warm wave
                                     So that you could see me

Not crying
Not afraid

Oh, please
Let you see me
                      Not crying
                      Not afraid

Then came the smile
Your smile

My god, that smile

Overwhelming the fear
That pooled
              In the deep brown vastness
                                                      Of your eyes

Arms up
Arms out

Falling into them
Scooping you
                   To me
Clinging

Wings closing
Boneless
Weightless
Tight

Around me