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Poetry
The poet's curse.
By backstreetdreamer
15 June 2008




My paint has dried upon the moon
But I will paint another soon,
Maybe on a star filled night
To fill the sky with silver light,
Or maybe on a tumbling stream
That dances to a rising dream,
Or even on the shimmering sea
Where you can model it for me.


A masterpiece of all I know
Of subtle touch and velvet glow,
Will hang upon your wall one day
Reminding you of me some way,
Of midnight walks and faded rhymes
And all those unforgotten times,
A painting you will understand
That holds me in some other land.


Gold and silver painted fire
Song chased hearts of deep desire,
And depths of love yet unexplored
Still hang upon our every word,
I’ll take you out upon the lake
Your fingers dangled in the wake,
Inverted worlds we’ll sail upon
Until the breath of life is gone.


But still the story has no end
It waits around the river’s bend,
And changes with the speed of thought
It can’t be stolen, or be bought,
So I’ll still keep the poets curse
Still searching for the final verse,
And when at last it comes to me
Then we shall see what we shall see…

Reviews

Written by fellpony (1749 comments posted) 15th June 2008
Lovely rhyming and rhythm and structure - and the language is a pleasure too. I am having to re-read to get to your meaning of "poet's curse" since the overall feeling is of pure delight in living and loving :)

Written by DaleGorder (46 comments posted) 15th June 2008
I agree with fell. This is wonderful. I love this style because it's difficult. 
 
Now if I were going to be picky...and I shall because if you don't on this site people will think your a wimp. lol 
 
I would maybe think about doing something with the middle verse. You have some ending words that are slightly out of rhythm I think. But overall it's a winner. :)

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 15th June 2008
Again, very strong in structure and rhythm, and as fellpony says, lovely rhyming. I fear I may have irked you with my last comment - and that wasn't my intention. I may not write poetry very often, but I do think about it.  
 
I still get echoes of the impression your last gave me, (not a crit - an observation) but feel I can connect more with this. There's something here that harks back to simpler times: life with all distractions stripped away to focus on one idea. 
 
Phil
Awesome!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 15th June 2008
Gosh! 
 
It's getting late . . . 
 
Phil - your comment above is kind and gracious indeed. I take back my posted 'grumpy' niggle with you! Apologies! 
 
Just keep 'em coming BSD! 
 
At last a new voice on GW who doesn't need to be told to go and read Stephen Fry and do his exercises . . . 
 
A natural talent! 
 
Respect! 
 
John X
Hello Dale!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 15th June 2008
I'm glad you've joined me and others in enjoyong BSD's poem above. 
 
But I am mystified by your criticism - 'the middle verse'?! 
 
There are four stanzas, so you don't need to be a great mathematician to spot the plain fact that there is no 'middle one' . . . 
 
I've searched for your 'ending words that are slightly out of rhythm' and can find none! 
 
Could you be more explicit, and give examples please? 
 
Then at least there would be a point to reply to! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John 

Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 16th June 2008
I thought this a wonderful piece - content and metre - flows effortlessly, some memorable lines ( all of the 2nd stanza, for me!) and I think 'the poet's curse' all too clear!  
Good stuff. 
 
Cheers!

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