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Great Writing - Home > Stories > Pathetic Bob Talks About Women
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| Pathetic Bob Talks About Women | |
| By Emmuttmax | ||||||||||||||||||||||
| 15 June 2008 | ||||||||||||||||||||||
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I told him not to do it.
Pathetic Bob Asks About Women
So Pathetic Bob comes into my office this morning and says, “Hey Mike, what’s up with women?” Now this is a question that most men do not want to be asked because we are generally going to get it wrong no matter what our answer, especially if a woman is asking the question. But, Pathetic Bob was asking so I knew I’d have to give him some kind of an answer, or he would bug the hell out of me all day until I did. “I don’t know Bob,” I said. “Did you hear something? Are they planning a takeover? By the way Bob, I’m assuming you’re talking about human women, right? “Yeah, yeah, I mean human women. They seem kinda different than other humans.” “You mean men?” “Yeah,” he confirmed. “It seems that not only do women have different body bits and pieces, they operate according to a different set of cosmic and natural laws. I know I’m smart, but I can’t quite figure out what makes women so different from men.” Now we were getting into dangerous territory. “You know Bob, men have no idea how women process information either. It’s kinda like the weather; we know it’s there, but we have no idea why or how it works.” “Jesus Mike, you are such a wuss. You’re always throwing the 'mystery' crap at me, trying to duck taking a position on anything.” “That’s not true Bob! I’ve taken lots of positions,” I protested. “Yeah, sure, fine, whatever you say,” he said in a condescending manner. Bob was starting to piss me off so I blurted out, “Oh yeah…well…uh…women…I like ‘em. They’re great.” “Oooooh, you really climbed out on a limb there.” “”Well, goat breath, just what the hell do you really think about women…really.” “”I’ll tell you what I think,” said Bob decisively, “I think women are smarter than men. Women generally don’t act like street-yard dogs, fighting over territory, looking for the chance to kick ass just for the sake of kicking ass. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I believe women are more reasonable than men; they don’t seem to have that win-lose mentality that men have. They seem more willing to negotiate, to compromise. I believe that what they lack in brute strength, they more than make up for with a highly evolved intelligence. In fact, women have surpassed men on the evolutionary chain. And another thing Mike, women have great tits.” I knew it, I knew it, he was going to eventually screw up, and there it was. “Now you’ve done it Bob. Women are going to read this and start thinking that you are really a cool, sensitive, extremely smart dog, and then they’re going to come to the “tits” part and think, ‘See, all males really want is sex.’ You really blew it Bob.” “What the hell are you talking about?” said a rather confused Bob. “I’m not interested in having sex with a human woman…eeeeww. I just think their tits are nice to look at. Damn, Mike, I think elephant tusks look beautiful on an elephant, but I don’t want one shoved up my ass. What the hell is it with people?” “Well Bob, you just can’t say stuff like that, it’s not…uh…politically correct.” “Look Mike, just because I like women’s tits does not mean I don’t love their brains. In fact, to me, the brain is the most attractive part of any human. So deal with, OK. By the way scrotum jowls, haven’t you noticed by now that there are no correct politics.” (c) 2008
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