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The brush strokes of eternity. |
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By backstreetdreamer
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16 June 2008 |
There was a light so long ago
That showed me all I need to know,
Upon my journey softly shone
When every trace of day was gone,
And evening’s charcoal crochet shawl
Traced gently on my sacred wall,
With such a sense of might have been
The far off light that I had seen.
Illuminations wary tread
Lets shadows hide when night is dead,
And all the souls of in between
From all the places I have been,
Come slowly forth and touch my face
Through webs of woven whispered lace,
Like tiptoe treasured memories
Of tired ships on distant seas.
And on the lines of light and shade
I’ll paint the dreams of you I’ve made,
With brush strokes from the heart of me
For I have known what love can be,
Though poetry can write a rhyme
In columned halls of endless time,
The brush strokes of eternity
Will always drift back tenderly…
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Written by DaleGorder (46 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | The images in here are surreal and lovely. I like the content and I enjoyed it. 
Now to be slightly picky (forgive me)....
If you read the end words on each line, starting at the top and going strait down. How do they read to you? Do they all rhyme okay for you? Or are some of them off a teensy bit?
This is my absolute favorite style of poetry in the world...free style always reminds me a bit of poorly written prose..lol
Anyway...I like this poem. |
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | | No Dale, they are not even a little teensy weensy bit out. There is a lovely flowing melody going through th is poem which carries the reader effortlessly from line to line. I think the metre is lovely and the rhyming too. This is my favourite style too. Metre came well before rhyme I read. It has been in poetry since the time of Aristotle - or possible even before. Iambic feet link to dancing, so music, dancing, song and poetry should tie together well. Poetry should be poetry and prose should be prose and there should be a difference, and the difference for me and for many is the metre therein. Thank God is is coming back into English poetry the moment with a swing and the tide is turning. |
Written by DaleGorder (46 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | Okay, please allow me to clear up and clarify what I meant to say in my above post concerning free style poetry. I meant to say when "I" write freestyle it turns out looking like badly written prose. lol
There are some very fine freestyle writers and I'm proud to say I know some.(there, I hope the band-aid holds) lol
Josie,,
Thank you, I'm still struggling with the metre concept. I guess I don't understand it. ? |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | Really liked:
And evening’s charcoal crochet shawl
and
Through webs of woven whispered lace,
Not sure which foot I'm on at the moment, so I'll tread carefully. I liked this. It has an otherworldly atmosphere to it - kind of fantasy rooted in realism. I think that's what I meant before - but probably put it quite clumsily. It certainly isn't (wasn't) meant as a criticism.
The rhythm seems pretty faultless, and while all the rhymes aren't 'full' rhymes (possibly what Dale was referring to) they work well. The beat is so strong, as a reader you have to be careful not to be lulled by it and continue to reflect.
I like this - it improves with rereading too.
Still, I liked the other two and got ticked off! 
Phil | Hey!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | Phil, I think you're getting to grips with this guy . . .
Never mind about the 'ticking off' (was that me? Sorry!)
Just savour the flavour . . .
Whooosh!
John X |
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | Again, faultless metre and striking imagery - 'Come slowly forth and touch my face / Through webs of woven whispered lace' (alliteration that sits comfortably!).
The only minor gripe I have is that all of your three posts have been in the same metre and rhyme scheme (shallow of me I know!) you obviously have a talent, vary your forms. Look forward to reading more from you.
Cheers | Here! Here!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | Hello BSD!
Absolutlely admire your wotk so far, as does Brett above!
How about a variation in meter and rhyme, or even a humorous one?!
Cheers!
KYJ X |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | Another beautiful piece. If words can softly caress or gently brush against our skin, this piece does it, and does it so well. I normally use words to speak to the mind. Nowever it seems to me, that you use them to touch the physical senses and through them, lay your 'dreams' on the mind of your reader. They sort of seep into the soul from the pores of my mind's skin.
I find just about every line beautiful in this piece, so I will say no more. Again I hear the gentle beat and rhyme that seem to effortlessly carry the thought.
Beautiful.
Mia  | Soft
Written by bobc (51 comments posted) 16th June 2008 | | Soft to the soul of the reader. The flow seems to strain. |
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