"NOT SUPPOSED"


From:    Jo
To:        TheRowlings
Cc:
Subject: Thanks for the laptop! 

Hi Mum and Dad

The new laptop is really great.  I am making very good use of it as you can see.

Most mornings, after I drop off DD at school, I pop into the coffee shop on the corner and sit there, typing away.  It is a bit of a ruse, actually, it’s a good place to keep warm while the heating is broken in my flat.  Landlord says he will fix it on Friday.

The trick is to look busy, and then the coffee shop manager doesn’t throw me out. So I pretend to be a tortured writer.  The baristas think this looks picturesque so they let me stay, even when my skinny latte is all gone.

Just to pass the time, I’ve been writing a story to amuse your granddaughter, it is about a boy who finds out he is a wizard and is sent to a special boarding school, where they teach potions and spells and what not.  His name is Gary Snotter – I might change that, though. DD reads a chapter with me every night at bedtime.

She thinks it is terrific and I should publish it, but I don’t think anyone else would be at all interested.  I’m just a “resting” English teacher without much of an imagination, I am not supposed to make a living out of writing fiction. Sooner or later I will have to look for a proper job.

Anyway, gotta go now and pick up the little darling from school.

Love
Jo

********************

Dear cousin John

Thanks for your kind invitation to come and be baptized on Saturday week.  Unfortunately I'm busy in the carpenter's shop so I won't be able to make it.  I am not supposed to be a preacher or a prophet or anything.  I just mend an oxen yoke here and there and turn a few chair legs.  It's a living.

Thanks anyway and I hope you have fun.  Love to Auntie Liz and Uncle Zak.

See you soon,

Jesus

********************

My dearest Cassandra,

We are having such a very agreeable time here in Bath.  Her Ladyship's Ball in the Assembly Rooms last night was a triumph! We were pleased to encounter a number of giggling girls with their hair up for the first time, prancing through the country dances in their sprigged muslin, and catching the roving eye of many a young lordling.  Of course, making an admirable connexion is the purpose of these gatherings; for it is a truth universally acknowledged, that every single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

It was so kind of you to say that my little scribblings should be published, but I do believe you make too much of them.  I am not supposed to be a published author, I am quite content with a frugal life at Chawton.  I live such an unremarkable existence that I do not think I could chuse to write on any subject that would be pleasing to a public wishing to find entertainment.

Now I must bid you farewell, as I have a call to make on the irascible Lady M.

Your loving sister,

Jane

 ******************

beep – Houston, the Eagle has landed – beep

Roger, Eagle, this is Mission Control Houston, we copy, please make your post-landing checks and prepare to leave the lunar module.

beep – Houston, this is Armstrong.  I’m just a USAF test pilot.  I don’t feel ready for this mission, can we talk about this? – beep

Now listen, Armstrong, we’ve been through this, you’re the right guy for the job, so just follow your training plan and prepare for the moonwalk.  We got half a billion TV viewers watching you live here.

beep – Negative, Houston, I’m gonna just stay here in the nice warm module until we get clearance to blast off the lunar surface – beep

Armstrong, you mutha****er, get your sorry ass outta that module and go plant your flat feet on the goddamn green cheese for ****’s sake!

Beep – Sorry, Houston, I’m not supposed to be famous, I'm kinda shy really, I’m aborting this mission – beep

Jeez – did I just cuss live on national TV?  I’m so sorry… Cut the live feed, somebody, we have a problem…

***************

To my doe-eyed Muse, third door on the right after Georgiou's Taverna, High Street, Lesbos.

From: Sappho.

Greetings to my silken-thighed mistress!

Having a wonderful time (wish you were here!) at Delphi.  Popped in to see the Oracle today for a nice chat, and she agrees with you, my sweet, that my poetry is deserving of publication (we would have to hire a few scribes...).  But, once again, I disagree.  I don't think there is much of a market at this end of the Mediterranean for girl on girl romances, although the Oracle insists that one day, "Lesbian" pornography will be extremely popular... but mainly with men.  I think she has her prophecies in a pandemonium with that one!

So I shall continue to write only for you, my love.  I am not supposed to be a famous poetess. Longing to be home, hope to catch a passing quinquireme on Saturday morning.

Fondest love,
Sapphie