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Poetry
My Mother's Pearls
By Veronica_Milvus
16 June 2008
Ever been given something that you know just isn't "you"?
I've been working on this for a while, it is in Troubadoric form, AKA the "Rima Dissoluta" which sounds nice.  Thanks patterjack, for your helpful comments on the draft version.

MY MOTHER'S PEARLS

My mother left to me a string of pearls;

segmented worm, it coils within my hand.

Lustrous, clammy, submarine, it feels

around my neck a chilly, alien chain.

 

Adornment suited to the social whirls

of the demure, conventional, or grand.

Its formal, cultured nuances appeal

to those who would regard me with disdain.

 

I hated ribbons, loathed my hair in curls,

I wasn’t quite the daughter she had planned;

climbing trees and running though the fields,

this dirty, freckled tomboy caused her pain.

 

I'm not one of those Audrey Hepburn girls,

I loved to argue; quick to take a stand.

Unkempt, ungroomed, six foot in Cuban heels

I could sink a pint, and use my brain.

 

I loose the clasp, the stony strand unfurls

these jewels founded on a grain of sand.

For me to wear them would be an ordeal;

I throw them in the jewellery box again.

Reviews

Written by Brett (785 comments posted) 16th June 2008
One of my favourite forms, V, and you have written a marvellous piece. Love that fourth stanza! 
I was once given something that wasn't "me" - it was a single whisky. 
 
Cheers
Oh yes
Written by patterjack (1196 comments posted) 16th June 2008
This is really good ! 
 
patterjack
My Word!
Written by Katanga (1237 comments posted) 16th June 2008
How good this is . . .! 
 
So natural - but what a stunning, unforced, rhyme scheme! 
 
I am duly staggered! 
 
The last line is fabulously bathetic / pathetic . . . 
 
Also mercenary - Ha! 
 
I was expecting something like: 
 
'I throw them back to the sea again' 
 
or 'I throw them back to whence they came.' 
 
Your choice just 'does it' for me . . .  
 
Yo! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John X
So true
Written by bobc (50 comments posted) 16th June 2008
A good form here. Honest self awareness, even without "sinking a pint". LOL. :)

Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 16th June 2008
Another enjoyable piece. And what an interesting form to fit a fun autobiographical piece into.  
 
I think you are a woman's woman, a woman who owns herself, the modern woman. (I like!) 
 
I was given pearls, too, (a set of necklace, ring, and earrings) from my mother-in-law, who tearfully departed with them when I married into the family (that's what happens in Asian culture). But I don't want to wear them. They seem ancient and old. Maybe when I'm sixty, they will make me look dignified and classy. 
 
Mia :grin

Written by SeasideScribbler (8 comments posted) 17th June 2008
I enjoyed reading this, a brilliant topic, staying true to yourself, and this is really well written in my opinion :) 
 
I loved the segmented worm imagery!  
 
Can i ask what the troubadoric form is, other than the example in front of me! Am interested to know

Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 17th June 2008
Enjoyed this very much. Like Brett, the 4th really stood out in a great piece. Clever rhyme scheme that you did very well.  
 
Phil

Written by Veronica_Milvus (638 comments posted) 17th June 2008
Mia - you and I feel the same way about pearls, then? Classy dignity, but not yet? 
 
Tolstoy - I couldn't throw them away, they were my mother's and I wore them as "someting borrowed" on my wedding day. 
 
Scribbler, the verse forms I usually pick up from this website: 
 
http://www.volecentral.co.uk/vf/ 
 
although our GW colleague, Brett, often introduces them to the site. I've met the rondeau, pantoum, villanelle and senryu due to his efforts (but not attempted too many without a safety net myself). 
 
The Troubadoric form has no rhymes within the stanzas, it just rhymes all the first lines of each stanza, all the second lines, and so on. And it is in iambic pentameter, or thereabouts.
Troubadoric sounds cool!
Written by SeasideScribbler (8 comments posted) 17th June 2008
Thanks for the link, i'll have a look :D I like your poem even more now i've noticed the way it rhymes, was it fun to write in that form? Challenging? I will have to give it a go!
Site Visit!
Written by Katanga (1237 comments posted) 17th June 2008
Ha! Veronica - right, I'm off to that location a.s.a.p. 
 
What fun, without meaning in any way way to diminish works on this site. 
 
Truly knackered-for-now John X 
 
I'll get my pantoums down eventually . . . (did once try a villanelle and loved the experience - the result was questionable. Remember Brett's 'And Bluebell Lane is now all overgrown'? - My first favourite on GW!)

Written by CatGem (33 comments posted) 18th June 2008
just lovely -- I'm in awe of the control you have and yet still manage to create such a complete image 
 
and no wonder my free verse style rubs you wrong! laughs 
 
i'm particularly fond of: "six foot in Cuban heels" 
 
just gorgeous, 
Stephanie

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