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Poetry
Vanishing whispers.
By backstreetdreamer
17 June 2008



Sometimes at the dying of the day,
I sit and watch the last
written lines
of evening,
when purple ink
runs down
the page of shadows,
and I regret
not having written it
myself.


Sometimes at the parting of the way,
I stand and watch the last
regretful glimpse
of yesterday,
when dry brown leaves
blow through
my Autumnal heart,
and I regret
not having acted
in a different play.


Sometimes in the meadow where we lay,
I hear the final echoes
of your goodbye
fading away,
vanishing whispers
hold me
one last time,
and I regret
that there was nothing
I could say...

Reviews

Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 17th June 2008
I found this breathtaking, especially the imagery of the first stanza and the message. Each stanza seemed to express a progression of thought to greater regret that left greater ache in the aftermath and a clearer message. The beauty and the message contained in each stanza and the entire piece spoke to me powerfully. 
 
I find myself reluctant to deconstruct this poem to say what works for me or not, because I found the whole piece beautiful and powerful, and I took to heart what I heard from it - what it means to truly "live" and what it takes.  
 
Thank you for sharing this poem. 
 
Mia

Written by SeasideScribbler (8 comments posted) 17th June 2008
I really like this piece :) in particular i like the way that you build up the message through the stanzas and the sense of regret and loss. The imagery iin the first stanza is beautiful in its simplicity and you communicate the emotion in way that is easy and effective to identify with when reading. One thing i might say, is that you use the imagery of autumn and then switch to "i regret not having acted in a different play", which is a completely different image to the rest of the poem...maybe there is a way to communicate that idea through the theme of nature that you've used effectively through the rest of the poem :)  
I hope you don't mind me commenting, those are my thoughts on reading your work :) I have to say i feel quite stirred up emotionally reading your piece, a sad theme which has been done beautifully with your choice of imagery, there is something honest and simply truthful in the way that you've written this

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 17th June 2008
I found this very effective. The simple (though probably not simple to construct) structure carried me through each progression. There's something very sad about regrets - and often they seem a little self indulgent - but you avoid that well here. 
 
Liked very much. 
 
Phil
I can only echo . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 17th June 2008
. . . the above. 
 
Nothing to add, except my love. 
 
John  
 
PS When something is as good as this, I can't be bothered with silly names and kisses anymore . . . 
 
Get me?

Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 18th June 2008
when purple ink 
runs down 
the page of shadows, 
 
lovely image! This was very well done and I enjoyed the uneven length of the lines which nevertheless formed a pattern in each stanza. 
 
Good work, welcome to GW. 
 
V

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