Just something a little topical for me which is something I tend to steer clear of on here so as not to offend. Is it competion worthy though? Can it be deemed original using the structure of something else? Hhmmm any comments much welcomed.
Please note that this isn't meant to offend anyone and I am well aware that I am very naive on the subject. The boys they went in truck by truck, hurrah, hurrah.
The boys they went in truck by truck, hurruh, hurruh.
The boys they went in truck by truck,
But none came home as was their luck,
And they all went into the war to be pawns in a game.
The soldiers marched on, guns in hand, hurruh, hurruh.
The soldiers marched on. guns in hand, hurruh, hurruh.
The soldiers marched on, guns in hand,
Scared to death and blind by sand,
And they all went into the war but nobody was really sure why.
The coffins come home ten by ten, hurruh, hurruh.
The coffins come home ten by ten, hurruh, hurruh.
The coffins come home ten by ten,
It won't be long, there'll be more again,
And they all went into the war so isn't the blame on them? |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1017 comments posted) 17th June 2008 | I found myself internally singing the hurruh lines. I don't know what to think - it takes away a certain sadness, but adds a different kind of sadness to the whole story.
"The pawns in a game, nobody was sure why etc" are often repeated thoughts, but the final line "And they all went into the war so isn't the blame on them?" isn't. It is not the politically correct thing to say. Those who condemn the war in Iraq, still don't blame the soldiers who are in it. They are seen as victims themselves, ie. pawns.
Are you asking, are the soldiers really completely blameless?
Being a soldier is a career choice in the west. (In some countries, there is no choice for young men/women of certain age group.) So who chooses to be a soldier and why? And what can they object to as a solider?
Your piece makes me think.
Mia  |
Written by lovelysarah1984 (81 comments posted) 17th June 2008 | Phew, for a minute there I thought you was going to have a go at me for what I had written?!
That last line is a little dig at the government maybe that perhaps they are the ones to blame? But are they? I am a very sit on the fence person - I like to try to see the positives in both sides of the argument. I can understand why we are sending more troops to Afghanistan but I also saw the five coffins arriving home in the papers today and surely someone should take some blame for those young lives. However it is their choice as individuals and they are fully prepared for what lies in store and hats off to them because there are many people, me included, who wouldn't be brave enough to do it. I can get off my soapbox now, lol.
I need to change the title though, I don't like it! Thanks for your comment Mia
xxx  |
Written by SeasideScribbler (8 comments posted) 17th June 2008 | It's made me think too, as Mia said soldiers from western countries become soldiers as a career choice and anyone who makes that choice would do so in order to serve their country, but the effects on their families couldn't be more devastating if the worst should happen. Your stanza about the coffins immeadiately provoked an image of the footage shown on the news of coffins being brought back from abroad, a humbling and tragic picture that stirrs great emotion in many, and i thought that your choice of words in describing this were interseting as they didn't contain emotion themselves but stirred emotion in myself when i read it. Maybe this is such an emotive theme that you don't need to convey too much emotion in terms of sadness because it comes naturally to the reader.
The main emotion that i felt you communicated was anger, and the structure that used was effective because it uses a structure that has connotations of innocence for a subject that is...many things but i doubt innocence is one, and so shows the anger and confusion of your piece in an ironic way which adds to this feeling. I think that you could use this structure for dreat effect in a poetry competition. Hope my ramblings were useful  |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (626 comments posted) 17th June 2008 | to the tune of "When Johnny comes marching home?"
Nicely done, I thought. |
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 17th June 2008 | Yes Sarah, there is a lot to think about. These young people, though, I am sure don't think they are pawns in a game, any more than those who fought in the first and second world wars. They are brave young men who are prepared to put their lives on the line for what, I am sure they think, is a just cause. I don't think our young people should be there either, but, on the other hand, our country has always defended people's rights, and if we were women living there this is how it would be:
"While in power, the Taliban implemented the "strictest interpretation of Sharia law ever seen in the Muslim world, and became notorious internationally for their mistreatment of women. Women were forced to wear the burqa in public. They were allowed neither to work nor to be educated after the age of eight, and until then were permitted only to study the Qur'an. Women seeking an education were forced to attend underground schools, where they and their teachers risked execution if caught."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taliban
If we were these women, would we not be grateful that young people in the rest of the world were prepared to fight for us?
These are the things we have to think of, but I keep saying also: "Our young people should not be there". I don't know what to think to be honest. |
Written by lovelysarah1984 (81 comments posted) 17th June 2008 | I know, it is a hard one to make a decision on and I don't think anyone truly can. There is also the argument of if not us then who? Had we not gone to war how long would it have been before something was done? How many more horror stories before enough was enough.
But at the same time is it up to us to decide that how they were being treated was wrong? I bet a boy from Iraq who said that his people hated the west because even though Saddam was a tyrant, they no longer had any laws or rules and people were thrown into chaos!
I think we are lucky to have so many young people who love their country enough to fight for it! In my eyes they are the real heros and this poem all I am trying to say is is there anyone to blame at all or is just something that had to happen? The poem itself is devoid of emotion so as not to make any judgments. | Fabulous!
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 17th June 2008 |
I've just sung your peice loudly aloud . . .
I am still wiping tears from my face - brilliant!
Oh lordy!
What can I add to the above reviews? Nothing much, except to say that it hit me really hard where it hurts . . .
i.e.it makes me feel guilty for trying to be a self-indulgent quasi-romantic poet - a great excuse for not getting on with 'real life'.
At the same time I feel it's only fools who join the army, unless they are conscripted with no chice from prisons, remand centres and so on and so forth . . .
Streuth!
I am in awe!
Thank you for this, Sarah!
John X | PS Sarah!
Written by Katanga (1217 comments posted) 17th June 2008 | Competition?!
Why not enter it? I'm trying one too . . .
Remember, there are no winners in Life - only losers.
Or do I mean the other way round?
Goodness knows! Ah well,
"Time for bed!" said Zebedee (or someone or other!)
John X |
Written by CatGem (33 comments posted) 18th June 2008 | avoiding any political conversation, I'll just stick to the writing aspect... smiles
I found myself rather hung up at the end -- the last line made me say "Huh?" as though suddenly I needed to re-read the whole thing again to be sure you were/weren't blaming the soldiers themselves.
I love the marching-song style of it that harkens back centuries really.
You might consider something other than "Scared to death" as it's rather an overused phrase and your poem deserves more.
Thank you for sharing,
Stephanie |
Written by lovelysarah1984 (81 comments posted) 18th June 2008 | Thank you Stephanie.
I wasn't happy with the 'sacred to death' line but i stuck with it whilst waiting for something else to come to mind. I'm not blaming anyone in this and the last line is delibrately meant to make you think. I have tried not to put too much of my views in there - in fact my views are almost opposite to any expressed but I do believe very firmly in keeping an open mind and never making rash judgements.
Thanks again! |
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