CHAPTER 1  

 

January 31 -1859

 

Dear God, what have I done?  What have we done?  I would give anything if only I could redo this month and start this New Year again. I never thought this would happen. Somehow I thought Charles would make it be all right - and that when he said not to worry, that I did not need to worry.  How are we ever going to make this nightmare go away?

 

Charles bought me this journal for one of my Christmas presents. He says that Queen Victoria uses a Journal and so everyone should emulate her.  I didn't really have the time or inclination to use it before.   Charles who writes in his diary every day says it is just like writing to a trusted friend - and you can put into it your innermost thoughts and desires. He says to write in it is like having someone to talk to about love and fear and pain and loss - all your most personal feelings.

 

Now I have need of a trusted friend and I have no one I can confide in. Not Mother, not my sister Elizabeth, not even Charles. Maybe if I put it all down on paper it will make some sort of sense and some plan will come to me.

 

This is the year that I will become Mrs. Charles Simpson Walker. I have awaited this happening for many many years. If Charles only knew how I longed for him to notice me and fall in love with me way back when I was only 11. When he was visiting his parents in York, he often came with his father who owns the local hansom cab service, to our inn¹,  as we have stabling for the cabs' horses here. Also, the drivers come inside when the weather is inclement and that is how we got to know Mr Walker and later Charles.

 

We all became great friends. Charles was at school with my cousin Edward too, and so we had another connection in that way.  Charles is ten years my senior, and he has been hoping for a wife for these last eight years that I know of. Perhaps it was fate that the others girls turned him down, so he was available when I was old enough for him to notice me as a woman.  Here is the letter he wrote me at that time. I keep it safely in my jewellery box  and read it often to make sure that I am not dreaming it all.

 

Worcester
11 February 1857

 

My Dear Miss Eagle

 

I know I don't have to introduce myself to you formally as we have known each other for many years. But I wish now to know you better, and feel it should be done in this way. I trust my importuning will not be displeasing to you. Will you kindly attribute it to the fervour of my affection? My love for you is unbounded.  I am anxious not to ask anything which providence and propriety would forbid, but my love, and my intentions being honourable I hoped you would see no impropriety in allowing me an interview. 

 

Even apart from the subject that now fills my heart, I should esteem to have your further acquaintance and would value your friendship most highly.

 

Anxious awaiting your reply

 

I am sincerely affectionately yours,

 

Charles Walker

 

I of course quickly replied to him that I would be honoured if he wished to make our friendship something more, and greatly looked forward to a visit from him on his next journey to York.  He came up for Easter, and again in the summer, and our relationship blossomed. I was then only 17, just having finished my studies, but we knew we belonged together, so were thinking about announcing our engagement for the following year.  But then his mother suddenly became very ill, and died in December of that year. We had to put off all our plans for the year of mourning. Charles was very upset and took a long time to get over his mother's death as they were very close. His father couldn't manage to live alone and asked Mary Elizabeth Wilson, Charles unmarried cousin from Worcester who is about 35 to come and act as his housekeeper. 

 

Now we are free to make our plans openly and Charles presented me with his Grandmother Sarah's diamond and ruby ring this Christmas.  My parents and his father were delighted with the news.

 

On Friday May 20^th of this year, I will truly become his wife. Because of needing the weekend  trade for the Inn, we decided that if we held the wedding on a Friday, it would be the best day to keep from losing custom. I know it is unconventional to marry on a Friday. In fact here is even a rhyme  from my book Godley's Lady's Book  about it which isn't very encouraging.

 

Marry on Monday for health,
Tuesday for wealth
Wednesday the best day of all,
Thursday for crosses
Friday for losses, and
Saturday for no luck at all.

 

We officially became engaged on Christmas day.  Mother and Father think Charles is wonderful. In fact Mother once told him that as long as she had anything to do it he should never be short of money. On Sunday, we arranged with the Rector for the use of the Church for our wedding, and we were able to tell our family and friends to keep that day free, so they will be able to come and celebrate with us.

 

Monday night we had arranged to go to the Theatre Royal.   I wore my new green velvet dress which sets off my auburn hair so well. I worried that it might be impractical when I made it, but I am sure with my new role as wife, I will have many occasions to want to dress up. It is quite a heavy fabric, so should be nice and warm and I love the feel of velvet next to my face.  I have a cameo broach that Mother gave me for Christmas, which I pinned on the collar.  Oh dear God, what am I saying? I might be ages before I can wear that dress again.

 

We took a Hanson cab to the theatre, as it was too far to walk. If we had been going to the Opera House, it is only a short distance from our inn, but Charles particularly wanted to see the play, La Tour de Nesle, which is by his favourite author, Alexander Dumas.  It was a wonderful play -is considered the greatest masterpiece of French melodrama - just as Charles had intimated it would be. The play takes place in 1314 in Paris. Louis X's wife. Marguerite de Bourgogne (1290-1315), is queen. Her former lover comes back to blackmail her, and her two sons die bloody deaths. There is murder, depravity, and treachery. How could one sleep after watching that?

 

Mother and Father invited Charles to come back here to spend the night, as we would be late coming back from the theatre, and he needed to be up early for the 6 a.m. train to Worcester the next day for work. They offered him one of the best rooms in the inn - showing their high regard for him.   

 

Will they ever have regard for him again?

 

 

¹I  looked on the internet to see if an Inn still exists as it was in 1859 which might be the right one. It could be either the Black Swan or Golden Fleece - both ancient inns in more or less the right spot (we know their parish was All Saints Pavement) and both were coaching inns. The Black Swan is a beautiful black and white building, with an interesting history including ghosts. The Golden Fleece seems quite small in comparison, and not as interesting to look at. We know that Charles Walker's father owned a hansom cab company in York and employed 5 drivers.