Oh well . . .
Fuel for thought?
John X
Fire !
Fire once of ancient gold
Fire now of age untold
Fire of passioned youth too bold
Fire somehow growing old
Fire beside me as I sleep
Fire with me that lies so deep
Fire, yours, is mine to keep
Fire put out? I cannot weep.
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Written by rose_xx (3 comments posted) 18th June 2008 | | Lovely. I like your use of rhyming here - it makes one read the stanzas as a whole, rather than as two detached couplets. The first stanza in particular is wonderfully written; "Fire of passioned youth too bold" really is a beautiful line. There are two things, however, that I've noticed. The first (and I really am being pedantic here) is that the rhythm is ever so slightly off. Take the first stanza, for instance. In the first, second and final lines, one reads fire as two syllables to fit with the metre, but in the third line one reads it as one syllable. Like I said, I'm being very nitpicky here, but it was just something that occurred to me as I was reading through. The second thing is the very last line. I like the way you mentioned putting out the fire, and how you put it as a question, but the words "I cannot weep" seem... irrelevant, somehow? I don't know, it just feels like you can come up with something a little punchier. That said, this really is a beautiful poem, with some lovely imagery. Definitely made me think. | Romantic
Written by meadowcroft1964 (102 comments posted) 18th June 2008 | KATANGA
Beautifully written. Shows that you be the romantic at heart I always thought you to be even if Sometime you write with the humour of a old fart. Ha. Ha. No offense meant I love your funny poems too. | Old Fart!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 18th June 2008 | Ah Mia!
Yes, that I truly am . . .
Your reviews help me to keep going - some of my poems are good, some reasonable, some truly AWFUL . . .
but I know I'll get some truth from you!
Thank you so much, Mia!
Love, John
XXX | And Rose!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 18th June 2008 | Thank you for your long review - much food for thought here!
To be honest, I have no idea what I meant by the last line, but I knew it carried some sort of 'poignancy'.
Reviews like yours will encourage me to think more carefully before I post rather 'widdly' pieces!
Yo! Ho!
John X | Whoops Violet!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 18th June 2008 | I am SO sorry!
I got too carried away and stupidly didn't think . . .
Please see my latest review of your work . . .
Feeling silly and ashamed - John
XXX
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Written by mia_ms_kim (1019 comments posted) 18th June 2008 | I now have to review this since you thanked me in advance!
I think you read my very happy review on your poultry piece, the one that cracked me up. Your response to the reviews on that piece was another classic!
Actually I liked this one, too. But I didn't know exactly why. The simple piece seems to paint a sweeping view of a person's life in terms of fire, from the passion of youth, to the warmth and need for love in midlife, to the end of life in death.
My favourite lines:
"Fire beside me as I sleep
Fire with me that lies so deep"
This depicts warmth as well as something intimate and deeply private.
A friend said to me long time ago, "Mia, people are fascinated by burning fire, but they cannot come close to it for the fear that they will be scorched by it. But warmth - it may not be so fascinating, but people can come close and embrace it. I'd rather be cosy warmth than burning fire."
I never forgot her wisdom. This piece remind me of her and her advice.
This piece, in my non-poetic and humble opinion, has a lot of potential. Hope you will develop it further.
Mia  |
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 19th June 2008 | | Ah John - may your fire and enthusiasm for poetry never be extinguished. In other words - do keep your everlasting flame burning. We need people like you on GW for certain. | Last Line!
Written by Katanga (1229 comments posted) 19th June 2008 | Thank you all above - and, Josie, what a kind thing for you to say! I am greatly bucked!
Rose - yes, thank you, I was wondering about that last line . . .
I think I mean that without passionate enthusiasm (fire), there can be no equally strong sadness, therefore, 'Fire put out? I cannot weep.'
Yo!
John X |
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