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Poetry
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Juliet
By no1butClo
15 December 2005
In no way inspired by Mr. Shakespeare [well...maybe just a lil bit].


She stands there, tear-streaked and blubbing.

Incoherent, sobbed rage jerks and
tumbles from her salt-stained lips.

Tired of trying to be tragic and beautiful,
she retreats & folds
collapses in a corner.

Reasonless anger grows and she
punches the nearest likely voodoo doll.

     She's sick of it.
Sick of the unfairness and mis-
  understandings.
Here is safe; a wall
  on each wing,

forehead on arms on knees, damp

warm snivelling darkness
  and the usual unquenchable
     thirst for the
        unfindableound

               Juliet.

Reviews

Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 16th December 2005
Interesting... there are some wonderful images and lines in here ("tired of trying to be tragic and beautiful" is lovely!) but a few things that didn't work for me. The use of past tense in the first line, when everything else is present tense, jars with me. I wasn't sure whether "in coherent sobbed rage" actually should have been "*INCOHERENT* sobbed rage" (the two are so opposite that they give very different meanings to the first verse) - in fact that whole second line seems rather jumbled (you could possibly solve that by starting a new line at "jerks" rather than "tumbles"). The line break on "mis/understandings" seems a little affected, and again appears to give a contradictory meaning to the verse it contains, and I'm not convinced that the crossed-out "unfindable" is necessary, if I were reading this out loud I wouldn't have any idea how to read that bit! Just nit-picking really, there are some gorgeous images in here and this is a clever view of an almost over-familiar character.
A massive improvement
Written by shadowplay (41 comments posted) 16th December 2005
I won't write so much on this- you know how I feel about it. I knew I had to click on this as soon as I saw it! And I'm impressed. You've picked up on what I've been saying but put your own spin on it. The positioning of the lines is a welcome form of interest. 
 
I'm glad you've used 1.5 spacing. It really lets the words breathe. And the Heideggeran crossing out works too. By leaving the title, as it were, to the end, you're signing off. 
 
Nothing like Duffy, love; more like yours. Love it, as usual. 
 
Jon 
 
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